The smack in the house of smack is more like a jr. high pillow fight.

[Kahns Krazy]

Seriously. "the office sucks"? That's smack?

You guys couldn't smack your way out of a damp paper towel if you had an electric smack machine.

Real smack never ends with "Discuss..."

Real smack often ends with "hole", e.g. pie-hole, jack-hole, blow-hole or includes phrases describing where to put the most recent statement, such as put that in your pipe, or putting or removing things from bodily orifices.

PMI can talk smack. If you need a refresher course, read up on some of his shit. It's funny. He's a desciple of Pablo, which explains the maturity of a young man who once strayed onto a message board as a high-school underclassman to the polished message board anchor of today. The student has become the master.

So put that in your cake-hole and chew on it.

[Stonebreaker]

I've not yet begun to smack.

[Michigan Muskie]

Seriously. "the office sucks"? That's smack?

You guys couldn't smack your way out of a damp paper towel if you had an electric smack machine.

Real smack never ends with "Discuss..."

Real smack often ends with "hole", e.g. pie-hole, jack-hole, blow-hole or includes phrases describing where to put the most recent statement, such as put that in your pipe, or putting or removing things from bodily orifices.

PMI can talk smack. If you need a refresher course, read up on some of his shit. It's funny. He's a desciple of Pablo, which explains the maturity of a young man who once strayed onto a message board as a high-school underclassman to the polished message board anchor of today. The student has become the master.

So put that in your cake-hole and chew on it hole.

Fixed it for you Krazy hole.

[PMI]

Pablo certainly helped me find my way. The thing is, I actually like pillow fights, but there's a time and a place and it should involve half-naked sorority girls and a wooden conducting baton for me.

I feel like smack talking was a much bigger part of Pablo's board than it is here. If you couldn't hold your own you didn't want to be over there. Just ask Kathy Bates. Maybe if we created an atmosphere where only the strong survive like that board had, we would get better results. Perhaps then, this would be a real smack forum and not Guy Fawkes' personal file cabinet of complaints and pet peeves. Smack is supposed to be directed at individuals or groups of people and they are intended to hear it and respond. I doubt the producers of The Office will be responding anytime soon.

But seriously, this board needs more smack talk. I want battles. Discuss.

[MADXSTER]

Better stop or I'm goinna tell mom.

[The Artist]

My post about the office was in response to Guy's post about the NFL and how he was upset about the game being on because he couldn't watch his precious prime time TV.

And I'M the one who gets told to man up!?

[OX09]

There's better smack going on in "On the Mall." The "I just won the VA Tech game" has gotten pretty nasty...

[Kahns Krazy]

My post about the office was in response to Guy's post about the NFL and how he was upset about the game being on because he couldn't watch his precious prime time TV.

And I'M the one who gets told to man up!?


It's always the second guy in that draws the foul.

[Smails]

It's always the second guy in that draws the foul.

That's why the old man always told me that when it's time to throw down...you better be first boy because nobody ever won a fight by playing defense

I come from a proud Reading, Ohio line of Germans....

[American X]

He's a desciple of Pablo

Learn to spell, you bunghole sniffer. It's descipel.

[Xpectations]

True smack is a result of deep passion or hatred.

Thus, The Shootout is the first opportunity for true, deeply felt smack, followed by the UD games.

[Cheesehead]

it's disciple..man, I hope you were kidding. Scary if not.

[Snipe]

I am the King of Smack. I lay waste to the rest of you idiots in my sleep.

Real smack is not for the smack board. This is a practice forum. Guy is a pud-whacker. He has some potential but that is about it. Please. What passes as smack here is an embarrassment to smack talkers that actually ply the trade.

The real smack is a great way to disrupt the regular forums. The real smack genuinely offends people or gets them off their game to such an extent that they forgot what the original thread was about. Real smack cuts to the bone. Real smack emasculates the victim and takes away his manhood.

The real smack makes Gary Griffin so ashamed of Ron Everhart that he has to register to this forum as DAllen15. He has lost all the credibility of his name, so much so that he had to invent another to continue to play the game. That is the power of my smack. Your smack is found wanting.

Have fun here with your little playground of circle-jerk fake smack. I lay my smack where the rubber meets the road. Smack that you can taste. Smack that you can feel. Smack that sends a shiver to your spine. I own the smack, and I own all of you pretenders.

Smack isn't a hobby. It isn't just something you do on the side or to be cute. You want true smack you have to own it. You have to feel it. You have to think like the smack. You have to be the smack. Are any of you posers ready to be the smack? Please.

I rule the smack with an iron fist. You guys can practice all you want here but this isn’t the land of OZ. Just as you can’t tap your heels together three times and be in Kansas, you can’t run this tragic fake smack up the flagpole consistently and act like it is real smack.

You are all pathetic posers, pretenders to my crown. I don't demand your respect, I command your respect. I am the King of Smack and at the heart of it all you all know this to be true. Respect The Strut (and have a good laugh on behalf of DAllen15).

[Fred Garvin]

Yeah, Snipe knows smack. He knows smack so much that he shut down his board rather than hear it after Skip got smoked by Notre Dame. Snipe: a fraud that's all bravado.

Of course that's better than being a homosexual misanthrope from Chicago's north side.

[Snipe]

Now that is some good smack from a seasoned vet. Notice newbies that he isn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Garvin cuts with a knife and dishes out lacerating smack. He can do this with multiple personas: Hideous Redhead, AIDS Patient and Helen along with the world's most famous male prostitute. And that list leaves out the legendary Roscoe.

No man has laid down more smack in the history of Xavier message boards. The man is a living legend. I stand in awe of his body of work.

[Pablo's Brother]

Real smack also implies action - a really stupid and pointless action that will cause many to be disgusted and question your sanity. This smack takes to "another level." I will not mention the name of this one smack professional, but the "Bob Huggins has no integrity" banner flown over the UC football game was awe inspiring for its brilliance, spot on analysis of the situation, and ability to inspire hatred and desire for revenge from your target. That action was simply beautiful, futile, and the image of Chuggins almost having a mini stroke warms my soul.

Next, is Pablo sending the watermelon to Mr. Waleskowski. How much would you pay to see his reaction? Can you imagine him calling Keith and telling him about this? Did he call Joe Petrocelli (Brian listed KW's old HS basketball coach as the return address) and ask him if he sent a watermelon to his son? Did he tell anyone at UD? I wept with appreciation and awe when Brian gave me his "after action report." Plus, any mention of watermelon to UD people still drive them bonkers.

The next one that Brian did - and very few knew about this - was his involvement in stealing the very first Musketeer Madness Board run by Gary. Without giving away the details (that will cost each of you two beers the next time I see you) Brian initiated a Cartel operation and somehow got the password that controlled Gary's voy board. He immediately banned Gary from viewing and posting and taunted him from afar. Like most smack professionals, he hid his tracks and took advantage of the volatile Snipe/Gary relationship. The more Snipe denied it, the more people believed he took Gary's beloved board.

The best was when Gary told everyone that he was going to use the State of Illinois legal resources to track down who stole his board and that he would prosecute them "to the fullest extent of the law." The Cartel executive committee asked Brian to report on any possible "collateral damage" and assess the situation. Brian laughed at this scenario and pointed out that this was right after 9/11 and even though Gary is the assistant AG to the State of IL, he actually wanted Gary to go in front of a judge and ask him to issue a warrant to "find the punk who stole my Xavier University college basketball board" instead of fighting Bin Laden. Brian knew Gary would not do shit and just cry like a little girl.

The last act of a true smack professional is to probe, pick, and gnaw at your target’s weakness. Brian new Gary and would see him at various XU games in Chicago or Cincinnati. Somehow, he would always ask him about Gary’s “stolen board” and get him all revved up. Brian never let on that he knew anything, or, in fact, was directly involved in stealing Gary’s “child.” Pablo told me “can you just imagine Gary’s reaction at work when he realized that someone, somehow, stole his board and that he could not tell anyone at his work about it because they would fire him?” He loved the irony. And like a Mossad secret agent, Brian never let his quarry know that he had been stalked, caught, stuffed, and hung on the wall. I would love to hear Gary’s reaction now. Even he would have to admit the artistry, the efficiency, the marvelous - and pointless - stupidity of Brian’s actions. Gary would have to acknowledge that he had been played by a true smack professional.

So, Brian is the indirect father of all the new Xavier Basketball boards. Thank him the next time you are reading/posting instead of working for the man.

[PMI]

I love how Snipe goes off on his locker room tangent about how great a smack talker he is only to turn right around and kneel down to Fred 2 posts later. Please. Anyone can call out DAllen/Gary. If I wanted to play like that I'd take Fred's illegitimate children to the jungle gym. Talk smack about the Jimmy Binnie of the Xavier message boards and proclaim yourself king of the hill. Fraudulence. Gary is a first round cupcake, not a championship caliber test. You might as well be sprinting against Shadow. It would be just as good for your ego.

[waggy]

Smack isn't a hobby. It isn't just something you do on the side or to be cute. You want true smack you have to own it. You have to feel it. You have to think like the smack. You have to be the smack.

Quoted for truth, though PMI might be one of those rare individuals that can summon it at will.