Bathroom Etiquette

[Fred Garvin]

So you grab the Sports Illustrated as you depart to drop the kids off at the pool. Is this the offense to humanity that some make it out to be? And what if you have shared periodicals in your office? I once worked at a place that had Spors Business Journal. Now SBJ was far too expensive to get at home so I always read it on the can. I thought this was appropriate because it was a place that encouraged multi-tasking.

[xeus]

We have shared periodicals in our office, and they all make their rounds to the office crapper. I am content to read the periodicals I receive at home. They can have their fecal tainted USA Today.

What's even worse is the disturbing number of men in my office who do not wash their hands in the restroom, even after dropping a deuce.

[Fred Garvin]

Xeus sounds like one of those hyper-vigilant bathroom narcs that reports back to the head honchos. I can see him with his notepad peering beneath the stall as he notes who hasn't washed their hands.

And don't go knocking 87 just because he has a different bathroom ritual than yourself.

[PM Thor]

I can't help myself, anything anyone takes to the can is off the shelf. But I am one of those people who washes his hands every day about 20 times too.

I guess it is ingrained in me though, considering that I had a shitbum spit on my arm the other day at work...

[boozehound]

My first job out of college had a stack of sports magazines that lived in the men's room. It was a small office, with only 3-4 guys and a few girls. Men's room was a single occupancy situation. It was great. Total privacy. New issue of SI every week. Those were the days....

[ATL Muskie]

I'm of the rare ilk who doesn't read anything in the shitter. Ask me, that's the last place I want to relax and spend more time. I want to get in, get out.... ASAP. I'll sit and read at Barnes and Noble with the smell of coffee in the air. I don't care to sit and read with the smell of used Big Mac and half a dozen recycled Bud Lights in the air. Just not the kind of place I want to spend a great deal of time. I'm all business, baby.

[Stonebreaker]

All's fair in love and lavarotory stuff. I say read on!

[XU Dozer]

LOL, if someone was unaware that the offseason is upon us, this thread would be a clear indication. Though it is nice to have something to discuss until the recruiting news picks up.

[MADXSTER]

I detest when people wash their hands and leave Lake Erie on the sink counter. Come on people, clean up after yourselves.

[xeus]

Xeus sounds like one of those hyper-vigilant bathroom narcs that reports back to the head honchos. I can see him with his notepad peering beneath the stall as he notes who hasn't washed their hands.

And don't go knocking 87 just because he has a different bathroom ritual than yourself.

Sadly Fred, it's those same head honchos to whom I report who don't use soap.

And for the record, 87's bathroom ritual is uncanny. I can't pretend to understand it, nor do I want to.

[wkrq59]

HUH! I MEAN huuuuuh1 :D

[Xman95]

I refuse to pick up anything read by Moises Alou or Jorge Posada when they were in the can!

[cutterX]

I used to work in a big office where we peons would bring in the sports page for others to read(pre -internet days). One boss in particular would troll the cubicles looking for the paper on his way to the bathroom. If he found it and took it with him, after returning it it was then known as "poopy paper" and noone would touch it

[Raoul Duke]

This is where the blackberry is a viking. Talk about multitasking - email, txt, brickbreaker, espn, bloomberg... and no shared-newspaper stigma. Just remember to wash hands when done.

[Billy]

I used to work in a big office where we peons would bring in the sports page for others to read(pre -internet days). One boss in particular would troll the cubicles looking for the paper on his way to the bathroom. If he found it and took it with him, after returning it it was then known as "poopy paper" and noone would touch it

For good reason. I think the code should be that once the reading material enters the bathroom, it stays there.

...and I'm with ATL. In and out for me.

[Kahns Krazy]

Xeus sounds like one of those hyper-vigilant bathroom narcs that reports back to the head honchos. I can see him with his notepad peering beneath the stall as he notes who hasn't washed their hands.

Fortunately for xeus, he doesn't have to lean too far over to see under the stall...

I keeed I keeed.

I'm with thor. I wash my hands more often than I probably need to. I get spit on by bums in my job, but it's figuratively. I don't get how people cruise out of there with doody-hands.

As for reading, I'm all for bringing your own in and bringing it back out, like backpacking. Don't leave your stuff in there, and don't return it to circulation once you're back out. Fortunately, where I am, there's no common repository of reading material.

In 1999, the office I was in, nearly everyone carried palm pilots. There was an epidemic of Bubblet. You couldn't walk into a crapper without hearing everyone tapping away on their palm pilots. The palm also featured an application called "porta-ho" which was similar to the virtual pet games, except you had a virtual ho.

[Smails]

Brickbreaker is definitely the crapper entertainment of choice at my office. Speaking of bathroom manners..am I the only person who refuses to go into a stall when someone else is occupying the other two? I'll go from floor to floor before I perch down next to a guy with a bad case of draft beer the night before.

Furthermore I can't stand the guy who sits down next to me and unleashes hell without the smallest bit of restraint. More people need to learn the 'push and flush' technique. There is nothing worse than sitting there reading when Chuck comes in a decides to drop a daisy cutter and then lets out a sigh...

[Billy]

Brickbreaker is definitely the crapper entertainment of choice at my office. Speaking of bathroom manners..am I the only person who refuses to go into a stall when someone else is occupying the other two? I'll go from floor to floor before I perch down next to a guy with a bad case of draft beer the night before.


I also need a one stall buffer. That is a requirement.

The restroom conditions in my office are deplorable. I work for a fairly large software company, and we have a total of 4 shitters and 2 urinals which we share with a couple of other small outfits on our floor. There are probably 100 males working on this floor. The quality of the restroom is reminiscent of my days at Oak Hills...it doesn't appear as if it's been refurbished since the Hoover administration.

It's embarrassing, and uncomfortable.

This is also a reminder of why I love college basketball. Because as much as I like talking to you donkeys...we're reduced to topics like this to get us through until October.

[xeus]

Regarding choice of stalls, I prefer the spaciousness of the handicap stall. I also like having the handrails just in case I need to really bear down.

On another note, who are these people who just run some water over their hands and don't use soap? It's one thing if you just have bread crumbs on your hands, it's another to do it expecting the e coli will wash away. Honestly, if you aren't going to wash your poopy hands with soap, just own up to it and don't bother with the charade of running water over them.

[Billy]

Regarding choice of stalls, I prefer the spaciousness of the handicap stall. I also like having the handrails just in case I need to really bear down.

I like the handrails just in case life ever imitates porn, and a hot stripper walks into my stall and asks that I tie her up.

[spongebob]

I'm on board with ATL's approach. In..take care of business...Out.

[coasterville95]

Well, for the benefit of all, here is the training video on Male Restroom Etiquette:

Male Restrrom Etiquette (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw)

However, it doesn't cover reading a magazine, but given its general theme of "Get In, Do your business, Wash Up, Get Out", I think no magazines or electronic toys is implied.

[XURunner85]

Before I go at work I look at the other stall and grab all the toilet paper...this way if someone comes in and uses the other stall they are going to have to ask me if I can spare a square...then I say no I can't spare a square...flush and leave....

[xeus]

I don't agree with this hurried society's approach to living, and particularly not with regard to pooping.

There is no reason to rush this natural process. While it isn't exactly a "stop and smell the roses" moment, the idea is the same. Take a break, relax, read an article (and throw it away), but for crying out loud, enjoy the serenity of the stall, and allow nature a special moment.

[Juice]

I find it to be a nice time to relax as well. Plus, it gives me a chance to catch up on some reading. If you read at work, then no one can get on your case for reading the paper or magazine instead of working because you are pooping. What boss could yell at you for being in the crapper? It is a nice break from work or the world in general.
I abide by one rule and expect others to follow it as well and that is to just turn on the damn fan during and after you handle your business.

[PM Thor]

I do like the "stop and smell the roses" approach, but sometimes it backfires at work. Think about that....mid poo, and the bells drop. Not a good time.

[Xman95]

What are your thoughts on building the "bird nest" with toilet paper? For those not familiar with the process, it's simply using toilet paper to line/cover the seat so your bare arse doesn't have to contact the seat. It's also a quality move to drape some TP over the front so your business doesn't accidentally contact the rim. (It's not as much of an issue in places with the paper seat covers, aka "seat bibs.")

[cutterX]

I'm a big fan of the "bird's nest" X-man. Every public toilet I use for dropping the duece gets that treatment and I now find myself teaching my two boys the same technique. My 7 yr old is not bashful about conducting his business anywhere at anytime so it was crucial he learn the nest. And they always wash their hands. I don't get when guys don't wash their hands either. Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Poppy makes Jerry a pizza pie after coming out of the bathroom stall and not washing his hands.

[Lamont Sanford]

Pablo has got to be smiling from above as he reads this thread.

Personally, I'm a big fan of multi-tasking while on the can. It's a great time to get through the USA Today sports page.

I learned a lot of great new terms reading this thread. Keep up the good work fellas.

[MADXSTER]

We are definately in the off season now.

[nuts4xu]

I never use the bird's nest--it seems like a waste of time to me. For a salesperson like myself, who doesn't work in an office filled with people, it is much easier to find a suitable dooking spot. I seek out hotels, they are always the cleanest. I find a clean stall with a clean seat, and that is where I take care of business.

I have considered using the bird's nest, but I have pooped in some pretty filthy places, have shit outside in the woods while camping, and never caught any kind of illness that could kill me from a toilet seat. I have also seen studies that report that is a myth anyway. You have to lick poop off the seat often to even really have a chance of catching germs from that thing.

But I ALWAYS wash my hands. With as many people as I see, and as many airports I go through on a regular basis, hand washing is a great way to keep from getting sick. I am not worried about germs in the bathroom, but when I go either #1 or #2 it is a great chance to wash my hands to prevent me getting or spreading my germs.

[Fred Garvin]

I do like the "stop and smell the roses" approach, but sometimes it backfires at work. Think about that....mid poo, and the bells drop. Not a good time.

There are a lot of droppings in this post.

[ATL Muskie]

I have also seen studies that report that is a myth anyway. You have to lick poop off the seat often to even really have a chance of catching germs from that thing.


http://www.forumammo.com/cpg/albums/userpics/10063/normal_demotivational-posters-rock-bottom.jpg

[Xman95]

have shit outside in the woods while camping

I would rather deuce in the woods than in some of the public bathrooms I've seen. Although, one time while fishing I had some stomach demons and had to blow 'em out. It seemed like I found a nice area to conduct my business...until about 24 hours later when my junk started itching. Poison Ivy on the bag is no fun, friends!