Prayers for Michael

[xu82]

As many of you may know, we have a son who battled addiction for the better part of a decade. Michael lost his battle January 2, at his home in Nashville, TN. But he fought valiantly! He was 28 years old. We could not possibly be any more devastated, or more proud. This is every parent’s nightmare...you should NEVER bury your child.

We are eternally grateful to a team of therapists he began working with a few years ago. Through his hard work and their talents, we were blessed with almost 3 years of an amazing happiness, both for him and for us. We got to witness what our son could become. I got to meet my troubled adolescent as an amazing, thoughtful, productive and mature adult - and that person amazed me. He was a better father than I ever dreamed of being. I guarantee you would have loved him. He was everything you could dream of in a son.

Unfortunately, some serious life events left him with underlying anxiety and depression. After the most amazing Christmas ever by all accounts, he tragically succumbed just a few days later in an accidental OD. You may eventually take sobriety for granted, but that’s the trap.

I posted most of this in another thread, but felt it warranted it’s own spot. I could go on and on about addiction. Instead I’ll ask this: don’t judge. You don’t know what got those people and those families to that point in life.

http://marshall-donnelly-combs.tributes.com/dignitymemorial/obituary/Michael-Andrew-Nugent-105669349

[mid major]

Terribly sorry about your loss. He is an Aries like me (April 17) and he was born the year I graduated from Xavier. I hope you find the strength to pull through this difficult time. There are no words to ease the pain of his loss but I hope he is at peace. You are absolutely correct; no parent should bury their child. God bless.

[bobbiemcgee]

Prayers sent.

[OTRMUSKIE]

Very very very sorry for your loss. I deal with addicts on a daily basis and sometimes you forget there is a loving family behind the face. Stay strong.

[xuinmd]

Prayer

[bleedXblue]

I feel for you and your loss. Prayers sent!

[mohr5150]

So, so sorry for your loss, brother XU82. Addiction is one of the greatest eviils of our world, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May Michael rest in peace.

[XUGRAD80]

My prayers for you and the whole family. So sorry to hear of this.

[Muskeagle]

Damn...just damn. Sorry for your loss and the pain that follows. My wife lost her brother to addiction...it's awful. Sending good intentions your way.

[SkyWalker]

Prayers sent.

[xeus]

I'm so sorry 82. Wishing you and your family peace.

[XUBob]

Prayers sent.

[Lamont Sanford]

Good bless you 82 and Michael. Prayers sent.

[XU 87]

Very sorry to hear this. Prayers sent.

[Frambo]

So sorry! Prayers for you and your family! Can't imagine what you're going through at this time.

[GoMuskies]

That's absolutely the worst '82. I feel awful for you and your family.

[GetUp5]

XU82,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through.

I have family members who also struggle with addiction. You are not alone. Sending you all the prayers humanly possible during this tough time.

[X-band '01]

My condolences to 82 and his family..

[gladdenguy]

Prayers up for your entire family, especially your grandson, during this difficult time.

[Muskie]

Deepest sympathies and prayers for your family my friend.

[waggy]

Prayers for Michael and you. Very sorry.

[ArizonaXUGrad]

Likewise from me and mine, this is a tough time for you and your family and we really hope for some peace. Damn awful time.


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[xudash]

82, I am without words here. Prayers have been offered. God bless you and your family. God bless Michael.

[surfxu]

Prayers to you and the family. God bless.

[GenerationX]

I’m so sorry for your loss, 82. Praying for strength and peace during this unimaginable time.

[Sonoran Desert Muskie]

Prayers from Arizona for you, Michael, and your family.

[JEHARDI]

Thoughts and prayers for your son and family 82.

[WCWIII]

Prayers from Chicago. Kindest wishes.

[UCGRAD4X]

Thoughts and prayers for you, your family and especially for Michael.

[Nigel Tufnel]

I offer my sincerest condolences to you and your family. Handsome young man...anyone that would pass judgment isn't worth your time. I can't fathom what you must be going through...God grant you and your family the strength.

[American X]

My deepest condolences, xu82. My family will pray for your family.

[bourbonman]

May he be at peace and his family find a peace to have been blessed to know him. Prayers sent.

[Mel Cooley XU'81]

Heartbroken for your loss.

Prayers to the Holy Family for Michael, you, and your family.

Peace.

[xu82]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and prayers. Obviously, this has been the most difficult period in my life. If we had gotten word in the middle of the night years ago that Michael had died, I would have been just as devastated, but less shocked. He has thrived in the past few years. This just goes to show the evil nature of addiction. Thinking you are doing better is a trap.

I started this both to help me grieve and to make a couple of major points. The first point is we need to learn to be open and talk about addiction. It’s everywhere! It is all around us, but people don’t like to talk about it. They feel a sense of shame, and want to sweep it under the rug so they don’t have to face the “stigma”. I can’t count the number of people who have reached out and said “thank you for being open about it”. We are NOT ashamed, in fact we are proud of how many families we have helped! Because we are open, we’ve had MANY families we barely know come to us seeking advice, or just someone to talk to who would not judge them. If it helps ONE person, it is worth it.

Which leads to the second point I want to share. DO NOT JUDGE! You have NO idea what these individuals and families have been dealing with. We have gotten a flood of calls and messages from people who said “you know what, I’m hooked on coke and painkillers”. Or “I’ve been in recovery for 7 years, but I still struggle every day”. But these people only speak of it privately. There’s usually a story behind it. One guy is gay and single and lonely because everywhere he goes people are couples. His parents no longer approve of him. One young lady has never met her mother, who was raped when she was 12 by her brother’s 15 year old friend. THAT was how she was conceived. Her mother will promise to meet her in person, but has been a no-show countless times. The stories go on and on. Not that that is the only reason people get there, but YOU DON’T KNOW. It’s not an excuse, but it may be an explanation. Our son was abused at a young age in ways we were completely unaware of for many, many years. It was his dark secret that was too much for him to deal with. How we learned this is too painful to share at this point.

So, again, I thank all of you for your support. Michael was a great kid and a great person. I will love him forever! We tried to do a quiet little service in Nashville, but word got out. The funeral home had to bring in additional chairs four times, until they actually ran out of space and it was SRO with people out in other rooms. At the luncheon that followed the luncheon room overflowed and they had to open a ballroom! People loved this kid! You would have too! Michael worked as an admissions counselor at a mental health and addiction facility. My favorite guests were the people who said “I had to be here, he saved my life!” My message to them, and anyone else battling addiction is take care of yourself first. My son died because he tried to take care of everyone else, and forgot to take care of himself.

Again, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

[vee4xu]

Addictions of any sort are awful. No one should ever judge anyone on anything in life, most of all an addiction. I have seen addiction first hand in my family and among friends. The particulars of them are not relevant, but what is relevant is the very real nature of them and how they overtake one's day to day life.

82, my very deepest condolences to you and your family. I will pray for all of you and the repose of your son's soul. He is now resting comfortably in eternal life, away from the temptations that held onto him during his too short life on earth. You can see from my signature below, what is important in my daily life, and has been for many years. I will keep your situation and those of all other families dealing with the same situation. May your burden be lessened by the faith that an eternal God has compassion of all of us, including and especially, those who are addicted.

God bless!

[xu82]

I got at least one text or phone call from Michael about the Buffalo Bills probably 360 days a year. He had a Buffalo Bills tattoo on his arm. He had a closet full of Bills gear. He had signed Bills jerseys hanging in the condo. He got text alerts anytime there was Bills news that he would immediately pass on to me. He had a Bruce Smith jersey on his casket. He waited 18 years to see them back in the playoffs, but came up just short. I’m watching the Bills/Jags game with my younger son, but it’s just not the same without our phones blowing up.....

[Xupergirl]

Deeply sorry for your loss. It’s amazing seeing so many people on a Xavier basketball forum of all things, coming together to support someone. Praying for you, Michael and your family. Also praying for all those suffering from addiction. It’s one of the hardest things to go through. It makes me feel terrible for arguing and being depressed about our musketeers losing Saturday. But more heartbreaking things are going on right now than losing a basketball game. Again, I’m very sorry and prayers are sent your way.

[Xupergirl]

Love the signature.

[Xupergirl]

Sorry for the 3rd post in a row but I thought I’d mention I go to a small catholic school (St Michael School!) down the ohio river a couple hours away from Cincinnati/Norwood/XU. In the mornings we have morning prayer with the whole school (70 students and staff). We read the Bible, pray the rosary, and each student can give a prayer request for a family member, friend, the world, etc. I will make sure to request prayers for you and your family. Know a whole school of kids are praying for you and your family. God bless.

[Cheesehead]

Just want to add what others have said. No parent should have to go through this and I hope you can find peace at some point. Prayers go out to you and your family.

[xu82]

We got this from our favorite Priest (in one of my favorite places, Naples, FL). I hope you don’t have occasion to need it any time soon, but we both liked it and took some comfort in it.


We seem to give Michael back to you, dear Lord. You gave him to us.
But just as you did not lose him in giving,
neither do we lose him in returning him to you.
You do not give things in the way the world gives.
What you give, you do not take away.
You have taught us that what is yours is ours also, if we are yours.
Life is eternal, Lord, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon,
and a horizon is nothing but the limits of our sight.
Lift us up, strong Son of God, that we might see farther.
Cleanse our eyes, that we may see more clearly.
Draw us closer to you, O Lord,
that we may find ourselves closer to our loved ones
who are with you.
And while you prepare a place for them,
prepare us also for that heavenly place,
where you are, and Michael is,
and where we hope to be forever. Amen.

[xudash]

we got this from our favorite priest (in one of my favorite places, naples, fl). I hope you don’t have occasion to need it any time soon, but we both liked it and took some comfort in it.


We seem to give michael back to you, dear lord. You gave him to us.
But just as you did not lose him in giving,
neither do we lose him in returning him to you.
You do not give things in the way the world gives.
What you give, you do not take away.
You have taught us that what is yours is ours also, if we are yours.
Life is eternal, lord, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon,
and a horizon is nothing but the limits of our sight.
Lift us up, strong son of god, that we might see farther.
Cleanse our eyes, that we may see more clearly.
Draw us closer to you, o lord,
that we may find ourselves closer to our loved ones
who are with you.
And while you prepare a place for them,
prepare us also for that heavenly place,
where you are, and michael is,
and where we hope to be forever. Amen.

that is eloquent.

[Nigel Tufnel]

that is eloquent.

Yeah...I'm sending that to my parents. They will love it.

[IM4X]

I am so, so very sorry to hear about your son Michael. A child is the most precious gift you can ever receive. My two children are my everything. I wouldn't dare suggest that I can truly understand how you are feeling or what you are going through. I can only hope you are able to make some room for joy in your heart as you remember all of the wonderful moments you've had together and I hope you will always be able to hold onto those precious moments. Losing my parents created two enormous holes in my heart that never completely healed, but keeping them alive by bringing up memories with family and friends always helps. I wish I knew a better way to help easy your pain. I pray you are surrounded by extended family and close friends who are there to comfort you and your immediate family. I hope your family will always rememeber to be there to lean on each other. Know that I will continue to think about and pray for you and your family.

May God bless you and your family and be with you always.

[KabeX]

I can't imagine your pain. If I could take it away I would immediately. Thankfully that pain will ultimately be taken away by the Almighty Father. Bless you and your family.

[chico]

We got this from our favorite Priest (in one of my favorite places, Naples, FL). I hope you don’t have occasion to need it any time soon, but we both liked it and took some comfort in it.


We seem to give Michael back to you, dear Lord. You gave him to us.
But just as you did not lose him in giving,
neither do we lose him in returning him to you.
You do not give things in the way the world gives.
What you give, you do not take away.
You have taught us that what is yours is ours also, if we are yours.
Life is eternal, Lord, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon,
and a horizon is nothing but the limits of our sight.
Lift us up, strong Son of God, that we might see farther.
Cleanse our eyes, that we may see more clearly.
Draw us closer to you, O Lord,
that we may find ourselves closer to our loved ones
who are with you.
And while you prepare a place for them,
prepare us also for that heavenly place,
where you are, and Michael is,
and where we hope to be forever. Amen.

That's a beautiful prayer. I'm so sorry, 82.

[XU Fan in DC]

Deeply sorry for your loss, 82. Will keep you, your family, and Michael especially in my prayers. XU Fan in DC aka XFan in chat

[xu82]

Deeply sorry for your loss, 82. Will keep you, your family, and Michael especially in my prayers. XU Fan in DC aka XFan in chat

Thanks. There is a reason they have so many of those commercials. It’s an enormous epidemic, but one that people don’t talk about. Not sure if I shared this here, but we tried to keep the service small in Nashville. (He was cremated and there will be a full deal in Hilton Head, where he was born, in the spring.) The funeral home had to bring in more chairs four separate times as people kept arriving. They finally ran out of room and it was standing room only with people in other rooms. My favorite people were the ones who said “I had to be here, he saved my life.” The luncheon room overflowed and they had to open a ballroom!

He was an admissions counselor for a mental health and addiction facility. The average person would get 4-8 people admitted per month. He would get 20-25 admitted. He made six figures due to his hard work and passion, but he lost balance in his life. He spent too much energy caring for people other than himself. That was both at work and at home.

We are grateful for the last few years, where we saw him become the man he could be. The gift of those last few years is priceless... Unfortunately, the underlying anxiety and depression never gets fully erased. Any chink in the armor and it can all come tumbling down.

[XfansinKy]

I'm glad you got to see him become such an amazing grown man. God bless and may you take solace in knowing your son is cured from the evils and cravings of addiction for all of eternity.