X Communicator
12-21-2010, 07:56 PM
I hate Adam Morrison. In fact, I hate anyone named “Adam” or anyone named “Morrison.” The original Adam was too dumb to wear clothes in the rain and the cold, and Jim Morrison was described by rock critic Lester Bangs as a “drunken buffoon.” Put them together, you get a drunken buffoon running around naked, which is what most of us have done at one time or another, and I hate that!
Also I hate mustaches, and porn staches in particular, and Adam Morrison’s porn stache in double particular, especially because only Adam Morrison and John Bolton have sported staches publicly in the last twenty years or so, and I hate John Bolton because he’s always running around like his mustache is on fire and yelling about the need for more wars, and I hate more wars!
I hate Mark Few because he coaches the Zags. Did I tell you that I hate the Zags? Coach Few looks like an unemployed public accountant whose claim to fame was that he was named interim VP of the Spokane Jaycees, and I hate the Jaycees, and I hate Spokane, enough said. About Few: I say too many is more than a few, and Few is too much!
I want to take the time to say something about Spokane, Washington.
I hate Spokane, Washington. This is a city that looks up to Dayton as its hero because Dayton used to make stuff like antique cash registers and refrigerators that leaked Freon all over the place. The only reason 200K people live in that northern hell is that they can’t figure a way to get out of there, and even if they did, they’d have to travel through Idaho, and I hate Idaho!
Also, I hate Gonzaga because those West Coast Jesuits think they’re so cool, what with their cutoffs and surfboards and their Ray-Bans and fancy coffee, and they’re not even near a beach so I guess they just ride around with their woodies! There’s no point to that, and I hate when there’s no point to something!
Also, the make Gonzaga students trap beaver right in downtown Spokane which they call “community service,” and then they take the beaver over to Desmet Hall where they skin and tan the pelts and sell off the innards to the school’s food service where they add it to the soup the next day, and I really hate beaver soup! Also, the school has long been a sanctuary for game poachers, beginning with Fr. Desmet, who was part grifter, part poacher and known Jesuit impostor, and I hate impostors, especially impostor poachers who grift. Also, the money the school makes from poaching directly goes into a slush fund for the Jebs’ fancy surfboards and woodies. Did I tell you that I hate surfboards and woodies? Also, I hate Fr. Desmet, and that’s Detruth!
And I hate the Zags because they keep getting this mad ESPN love as the Little Engine that Could, which was okay fifteen years ago or so when they couldn’t, but now they’re a Not So Little Engine that plays in a little bitty league and they’ve done little in the NCAAs for the last few years, which makes them the Not So Little Engine that Couldn’t, and I hate the whole thing.
Let’s settle this bet tonight!
Also I hate mustaches, and porn staches in particular, and Adam Morrison’s porn stache in double particular, especially because only Adam Morrison and John Bolton have sported staches publicly in the last twenty years or so, and I hate John Bolton because he’s always running around like his mustache is on fire and yelling about the need for more wars, and I hate more wars!
I hate Mark Few because he coaches the Zags. Did I tell you that I hate the Zags? Coach Few looks like an unemployed public accountant whose claim to fame was that he was named interim VP of the Spokane Jaycees, and I hate the Jaycees, and I hate Spokane, enough said. About Few: I say too many is more than a few, and Few is too much!
I want to take the time to say something about Spokane, Washington.
I hate Spokane, Washington. This is a city that looks up to Dayton as its hero because Dayton used to make stuff like antique cash registers and refrigerators that leaked Freon all over the place. The only reason 200K people live in that northern hell is that they can’t figure a way to get out of there, and even if they did, they’d have to travel through Idaho, and I hate Idaho!
Also, I hate Gonzaga because those West Coast Jesuits think they’re so cool, what with their cutoffs and surfboards and their Ray-Bans and fancy coffee, and they’re not even near a beach so I guess they just ride around with their woodies! There’s no point to that, and I hate when there’s no point to something!
Also, the make Gonzaga students trap beaver right in downtown Spokane which they call “community service,” and then they take the beaver over to Desmet Hall where they skin and tan the pelts and sell off the innards to the school’s food service where they add it to the soup the next day, and I really hate beaver soup! Also, the school has long been a sanctuary for game poachers, beginning with Fr. Desmet, who was part grifter, part poacher and known Jesuit impostor, and I hate impostors, especially impostor poachers who grift. Also, the money the school makes from poaching directly goes into a slush fund for the Jebs’ fancy surfboards and woodies. Did I tell you that I hate surfboards and woodies? Also, I hate Fr. Desmet, and that’s Detruth!
And I hate the Zags because they keep getting this mad ESPN love as the Little Engine that Could, which was okay fifteen years ago or so when they couldn’t, but now they’re a Not So Little Engine that plays in a little bitty league and they’ve done little in the NCAAs for the last few years, which makes them the Not So Little Engine that Couldn’t, and I hate the whole thing.
Let’s settle this bet tonight!