STL_XUfan
11-15-2010, 12:32 PM
Figured everyone would get a kick out of these exerpts from Club Trillions basketball preview. (available in full here (http://clubtrillion.blogspot.com/))
On Matt Howard:
Household name that isn't that good
College Basketball: Matt Howard (Butler)
If for some reason you don’t know who Matt Howard is, maybe referring to him as “the big white guy on Butler who had the dirty stache last year” (http://i.usatoday.net/communitymanager/_photos/campus-rivalry/2010/04/02/howardx-large.jpg) will help jog your memory. Thanks to an improbable run by Butler to the National Championship last season, Howard and his mustache got all sorts of national publicity, and rightfully so. After seeing his mustache on CBS, college basketball fans collectively flocked to the internet to research Howard a little bit, and were probably surprised to find that he was the Horizon League Player of The Year in 2008-2009 before his teammate (and my high school teammate), Gordon Hayward, took the honor from him the following season. Upon learning this information, the casual college basketball fan referred to the Morrison Theorem (wispy mustache + mid-major conference player of the year = someone who isn’t to be f***ed with) and assumed that Matt Howard must be one of the best players in college basketball. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case.
Before Butler fans get upset with me (“you’re just hating cause we beat you last year!”), let me first say that I have the utmost respect for Matt Howard. As you should know by now, I’m a fan of both mustaches and wearing a shirt under the jersey, which is why I want so badly for Matt Howard to be good. Sadly, the only thing keeping this from happening is that his game consists of nothing but pumpfaking, throwing elbows, setting illegal screens, and flopping so much that even Butler fans get uncomfortable with it. Again, I’m not hating on the kid, because I did every single one of those things when I played in high school and practiced in college. But that’s the problem – I can do all of these things (not to mention the fact that there’s a 45-year-old version of Matt Howard in every church league in America). As much as I respect what he does and I think of him as an inspiration to all of us pumpfaking/flopping guys, the bottom line is that he simply isn’t that talented.
(Now that I think about it, this is more of a compliment to him than anything else. The guy gets more out of his abilities than anyone in college basketball, which is something to be proud of, I guess.)
On Mick Cronin:
GUY WE COULD TAKE IN A STREET FIGHT
College B-ball: Mick Cronin (Cincinnati’s Head Coach)
Even though I couldn’t find Mick Cronin’s height with a quick Google search, I did discover that Bob Huggins is about 6’3” (one inch shorter than me) and Cronin comes up to Huggins’ shoulders (http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_JqK74ZE9RBw/S6kETmot6XI/AAAAAAAAAeA/AVb9Xzchcoc/s400/BearcatsHugs-Cronin.jpg). Maybe you don’t know this, but this means that Mick Cronin’s face is at a perfect punching height for me. As I would make contact with Cronin’s schnoz, my arm would be perfectly parallel with the ground, which I’m sure John Brenkus and his Sport Science would tell you is how to get optimal force behind a punch. Translation: Mick Cronin would be f’ed if we were to engage in fisticuffs.
Should the fight move to the ground and take on more of a wrestling dynamic, I’m just as confident that I could destroy Cronin. My guess is that he’d be a wiry little fella that could escape from all sorts of holds and whatnot, so I’d focus more on restraining him with one arm and beating him senseless with the other. As much as I’d love to put him in a camel clutch until he’s unconscious, I’d probably have to be a little more offensive and find a way to land a few punches instead. Surely it wouldn’t take much more than two or three solid shots to the kisser before he’s had enough. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’s a black belt in karate or Billy Blanks Tae Bo, which would throw a huge wrench in the system, but I still think I’d have the upper hand because I’m not afraid to play dirty and hit below the belt if that’s what it takes.
On Matt Howard:
Household name that isn't that good
College Basketball: Matt Howard (Butler)
If for some reason you don’t know who Matt Howard is, maybe referring to him as “the big white guy on Butler who had the dirty stache last year” (http://i.usatoday.net/communitymanager/_photos/campus-rivalry/2010/04/02/howardx-large.jpg) will help jog your memory. Thanks to an improbable run by Butler to the National Championship last season, Howard and his mustache got all sorts of national publicity, and rightfully so. After seeing his mustache on CBS, college basketball fans collectively flocked to the internet to research Howard a little bit, and were probably surprised to find that he was the Horizon League Player of The Year in 2008-2009 before his teammate (and my high school teammate), Gordon Hayward, took the honor from him the following season. Upon learning this information, the casual college basketball fan referred to the Morrison Theorem (wispy mustache + mid-major conference player of the year = someone who isn’t to be f***ed with) and assumed that Matt Howard must be one of the best players in college basketball. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case.
Before Butler fans get upset with me (“you’re just hating cause we beat you last year!”), let me first say that I have the utmost respect for Matt Howard. As you should know by now, I’m a fan of both mustaches and wearing a shirt under the jersey, which is why I want so badly for Matt Howard to be good. Sadly, the only thing keeping this from happening is that his game consists of nothing but pumpfaking, throwing elbows, setting illegal screens, and flopping so much that even Butler fans get uncomfortable with it. Again, I’m not hating on the kid, because I did every single one of those things when I played in high school and practiced in college. But that’s the problem – I can do all of these things (not to mention the fact that there’s a 45-year-old version of Matt Howard in every church league in America). As much as I respect what he does and I think of him as an inspiration to all of us pumpfaking/flopping guys, the bottom line is that he simply isn’t that talented.
(Now that I think about it, this is more of a compliment to him than anything else. The guy gets more out of his abilities than anyone in college basketball, which is something to be proud of, I guess.)
On Mick Cronin:
GUY WE COULD TAKE IN A STREET FIGHT
College B-ball: Mick Cronin (Cincinnati’s Head Coach)
Even though I couldn’t find Mick Cronin’s height with a quick Google search, I did discover that Bob Huggins is about 6’3” (one inch shorter than me) and Cronin comes up to Huggins’ shoulders (http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_JqK74ZE9RBw/S6kETmot6XI/AAAAAAAAAeA/AVb9Xzchcoc/s400/BearcatsHugs-Cronin.jpg). Maybe you don’t know this, but this means that Mick Cronin’s face is at a perfect punching height for me. As I would make contact with Cronin’s schnoz, my arm would be perfectly parallel with the ground, which I’m sure John Brenkus and his Sport Science would tell you is how to get optimal force behind a punch. Translation: Mick Cronin would be f’ed if we were to engage in fisticuffs.
Should the fight move to the ground and take on more of a wrestling dynamic, I’m just as confident that I could destroy Cronin. My guess is that he’d be a wiry little fella that could escape from all sorts of holds and whatnot, so I’d focus more on restraining him with one arm and beating him senseless with the other. As much as I’d love to put him in a camel clutch until he’s unconscious, I’d probably have to be a little more offensive and find a way to land a few punches instead. Surely it wouldn’t take much more than two or three solid shots to the kisser before he’s had enough. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’s a black belt in karate or Billy Blanks Tae Bo, which would throw a huge wrench in the system, but I still think I’d have the upper hand because I’m not afraid to play dirty and hit below the belt if that’s what it takes.