Kids Say The Darndest Things....

[Nigel Tufnel]

OK....this is pretty unbelievable, but its worth sharing and seeing how others would have dealt with this pretty uncomfortable situation I was placed in earlier tonight. Disclaimer: I work in a pretty stressful job. When I'm done with work, I'm not really a social butterfly. I don't have any desire to go out in the community and meet new friends...I want nothing to do with politics....I hear about other people's lives every day....EVERY F'IN DAY....so when I'm done with work, I want to focus on my family. That may seem pathetic to some here, but it is what it is and I am who I am. Point being, I'm definitely a friendly person, but I like to keep at arm's length from people who aren't in my inner circle of work, family and close, long time friends. I'm not one to "get involved."

So I sign my 5 year old up for Upward Bound basketball. Great league for the little ones to be introduced to basketball at a young age....too young, in my opinion, but I digress. They don't keep score, everyone plays....go through a tunnel and have your name announced over the PA before the game....its cool for the kids and well put together. So anyway, my kid really likes it when I coach (coached him in tball the last two years), so the wife signs me up as an assistant coach because of my work hours. The director calls me, they need head coaches, I tell him that I'm not sure I have the time with work to guarantee I can get to all the practices on time.....he says no problem, he will get me a Co Head Coach. I call the Co-Head Coach before the first practice and learn that he didn't even know he was a coach, but he'll be happy to help, but he can only be at every other practice and every other game.....and so it goes....I'm totally roped into this thing. I proceed to work my office hours around practice at 6:00 p.m. (I requested 7:00 p.m. practice on the sign in sheet) when I work 35 mins from where I live. It makes the other days in the week a living hell, but I will admit, I've really enjoyed coaching, hanging out with my son, and coaching these lively 5 year olds. They have the attention span of a gnat, don't listen a lick, and really don't have the coordination to be playing basketball yet, but they're sweet kids and I am having fun.

So that leads us to tonight. During every Upward Bound practice, you have to take about 5 minutes and sit down with the kids and talk about God, Christianity. Its not obnoxious at all. A little uncomfortable for me...but I can handle it. Tonight, co coach asks one of the kids, "what do you think Christianity means?" Kid says, as God is my witness, "it means you're not a Jew. Christians love Jesus and Jews hate Jesus." Now, I must say I don't think many of the kids heard him say it because half of them were talking at the same time....but I'm pretty sure a couple of kids heard it...even though they probably have no idea what it means. I don't get rattled that easily, but my jaw dropped to the floor.

How do you deal with a five year old saying something like that at an Upward Bound basketball practice? Do you let it go? Do you tell him that's an inappropriate thing to say? Do you go tell his parents what he said and see how they react? Do you go over and tell the parents that their child is saying inappropriate things? What if that is what they believe and then they get pissed at you for making such a comment?

Me....I let it go. But I can't help but wondering if I should have said something....but again, I don't want the drama.

So......how would you have handled this situation?

Sorry for the huge post, but I thought some background would explain why I did what I did.

[kyxu]

Wow. I think you did the right thing. It's not like the kid knew what he was saying. He probably overheard his old man popping off or heard another Mel Gibson, tequila-ridden rant while his mom was watching E.

But I would have been equally taken aback if I were in your position, and would have had to bite my tongue, but he's just a little kid. Let someone else take him to task on his budding anti-Semitism later on in his life.

[Strange Brew]

OK....this is pretty unbelievable, but its worth sharing and seeing how others would have dealt with this pretty uncomfortable situation I was placed in earlier tonight. Disclaimer: I work in a pretty stressful job. When I'm done with work, I'm not really a social butterfly. I don't have any desire to go out in the community and meet new friends...I want nothing to do with politics....I hear about other people's lives every day....EVERY F'IN DAY....so when I'm done with work, I want to focus on my family. That may seem pathetic to some here, but it is what it is and I am who I am. Point being, I'm definitely a friendly person, but I like to keep at arm's length from people who aren't in my inner circle of work, family and close, long time friends. I'm not one to "get involved."

So I sign my 5 year old up for Upward Bound basketball. Great league for the little ones to be introduced to basketball at a young age....too young, in my opinion, but I digress. They don't keep score, everyone plays....go through a tunnel and have your name announced over the PA before the game....its cool for the kids and well put together. So anyway, my kid really likes it when I coach (coached him in tball the last two years), so the wife signs me up as an assistant coach because of my work hours. The director calls me, they need head coaches, I tell him that I'm not sure I have the time with work to guarantee I can get to all the practices on time.....he says no problem, he will get me a Co Head Coach. I call the Co-Head Coach before the first practice and learn that he didn't even know he was a coach, but he'll be happy to help, but he can only be at every other practice and every other game.....and so it goes....I'm totally roped into this thing. I proceed to work my office hours around practice at 6:00 p.m. (I requested 7:00 p.m. practice on the sign in sheet) when I work 35 mins from where I live. It makes the other days in the week a living hell, but I will admit, I've really enjoyed coaching, hanging out with my son, and coaching these lively 5 year olds. They have the attention span of a gnat, don't listen a lick, and really don't have the coordination to be playing basketball yet, but they're sweet kids and I am having fun.

So that leads us to tonight. During every Upward Bound practice, you have to take about 5 minutes and sit down with the kids and talk about God, Christianity. Its not obnoxious at all. A little uncomfortable for me...but I can handle it. Tonight, co coach asks one of the kids, "what do you think Christianity means?" Kid says, as God is my witness, "it means you're not a Jew. Christians love Jesus and Jews hate Jesus." I don't get rattled that easily, but my jaw dropped to the floor.

How do you deal with a five year old saying something like that at an Upward Bound basketball practice? Do you let it go? Do you tell him that's an inappropriate thing to say? Do you go tell his parents what he said and see how they react? Do you go over and tell the parents that their child is saying inappropriate things? What if that is what they believe and then they get pissed at you for making such a comment?

Me....I let it go. But I can't help but wondering if I should have said something....but again, I don't want the drama.

So......how would you have handled this situation?

Sorry for the huge post, but I thought some background would explain why I did what I did.

I ask him; Soooooooo, Jesus hated himself? Just to blow his mind. JK, seriously, I'd mention it to the parents and gauge their reaction.

[Juice]

I ask him; Soooooooo, Jesus hated himself? Just to blow his mind. JK, seriously, I'd mention it to the parents and gauge their reaction.

The problem is that he most likely heard it from his parents, if not them then he has been watching South Park too much.

[waggy]

Should elders being asking questions they aren't prepared to answer? Should've asked them about setting a down screen.

[PM Thor]

Wow. I wouldn't even know how to approach that.

I guess I would talk to the parents, but I think I know the answer already. A 5 year old parrots their parents.

I guess from here on out I would shy away from defining Christianity, or anything about Christianity, and go towards the stuff about "being a good person", kind of stuff.

Oh and show them how to run a double high screen. Tell 2 kids to run to the top of the key and hug. Both defenders will not know how to switch off while the kid with the ball goes around the "huggers". Guaranteed to work.

I HATE dayton.

[Nigel Tufnel]

Good input, guys. Feel a little better about how I dealt with the situation. Having said that, it still burns in the back of my head. Obviously, still up at 3 a.m. thinking about it. I guess I just felt like if I said something, I would judging. I don't like to judge. I guess I'm a pessimist....instead of thinking that I could maybe make a difference in a misguided little mind, I thought more about if I told him what he said was inappropriate, even though I was conveying the message of the program (tolerance, peace, Christianity), I could just see that little boy at dinner tomorrow night telling his parents that Coach said what I said was "propriate." They'd figure it out and at the game Saturday morning, I've got a couple of adults screaming at me, in a church, during a 5 year old Christian basketball program, screaming at me.

I feel like I'm being indifferent.....but that shite isn't my businesss......or is it?

Edit: I appreciate the coaching tips...but honestly, at 5 years old, if I can get through a practice without getting punched in the balls, I hail that a victory. We actually didn't shoot in practice today....I had the kids divide into teams of 4 and basically did the "cap on the basket" rebounding drill. We got out rebounded last game about 30-2. Funny thing is....the kids loved it...and it was the most aggressive I've ever seen them..it resulted in a couple of hits in the nuts (unintentionally), but I liked the aggression. Double screens? Give me a break...they don't even know when they're on offense and defense...hahahaha

[boozehound]

The problem is that he most likely heard it from his parents, if not them then he has been watching South Park too much.

Beat me to it.

[Smails]

Nigel, my 6 year old plays in Upward in Springdale. Thanks for coaching. I think they do a good job of injecting Christ into basketball without going too over the top. Although I did get the stink eye from a parent once for talking to my wife during the halftime sermon.

I think you handled the situation correctly and I'll talk to my kid about keeping what is said at the dinner table...at the dinner table. ha

[Snipe]

You should have told them that they also like to poison the well and this has lead to plauges. They also control the banks and all the media. You should ask Steve Carlton to come in and give a sermon about the Elders of Zion and how they control the world.

Damn Jews killed Jesus!

[Snipe]

My jaw would have dropped as well. I probably would have said "No they don't." but who knows.

[GoMuskies]

You could have explained that Jews like Jesus, too, but just don't think he's the son of God. Seems like the simplest way to handle it (not that a five year old's really gonna get it).

[boozehound]

You could have explained that Jews like Jesus, too, but just don't think he's the son of God. Seems like the simplest way to handle it (not that a five year old's really gonna get it).

Yeah, but if the kids parents really are anti-Jew and he goes home and tells them that "coach said that Jews do like Jesus" you could find yourself on the business end of an angry parent. I think that the OP was probably best served by staying silent.

[GoMuskies]

And if the kid said black people are stupid thugs he should stay silent, too, because the parents are probably racists?

[boozehound]

And if the kid said black people are stupid thugs he should stay silent, too, because the parents are probably racists?

Very good point. I guess it depends on the level of involvment the OP is willing to take in the process. I guess we are pretty much back to the question at the end of the OP's post regarding the level of involvement in the issue that he wants to take.

[chico]

And if the kid said black people are stupid thugs he should stay silent, too, because the parents are probably racists?

No, you tell him the jew is using the black as muscle against you.

http://me414.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/henry-gibson.jpg

[XUglow]

It probably was a teaching opportunity for bringing up The Good Samaritan.

[chico]

Seriously, it's a tough spot to be in as a coach and it's hard to think of something on the spur of the moment. I think you did the best you could under the circumstances, especially given the age of the kids. If it happens again you may have to say something to the parents before the other kids repeat it to their parents. Better to have one parent upset with you than a bunch.

And coaching is a thankless job. I've been very lucky in that the parents of the kids I coach are fine with playing time and how the team does. Of course, it's only girls SAY soccer but from listening to some of the comments other coaches make about the parents I'm pretty lucky.

[Nigel Tufnel]

And if the kid said black people are stupid thugs he should stay silent, too, because the parents are probably racists?

Point well taken....I probably would have said something if that had happened. Reason being, the kids could probably wrap their heads around that type of comment as opposed to Jewish comment. I doubt (hope?) that most of them wouldn't even really understand it. At the same time, kids never cease to amaze me with what they are capable of retaining.

[muskienick]

It's a little late now but maybe, due to the immaturity of the kids involved, it would have been better for your co-coach to ask a less specific question like, "Do you guys know what faith means?" Or, if each coaching staff must interject something of a more theological nature, it might not be a bad idea to deal with the term, "God," rather than "Christ" or Christian." That way, one could actually interject the similarities among the great religions of the world ("We all worship the same God but we just refer to that God using different names.")

Or just put the kids into a different basketball program where all you have to worry about is the controversy between running a man or zone defense!

[blobfan]

You could have explained that Jews like Jesus, too, but just don't think he's the son of God. Seems like the simplest way to handle it (not that a five year old's really gonna get it).

That's porbably the best response but in the shock of the moment it'd take someone much more experienced in dealing with 5 year olds to have come up with it. I saw screw the parents that would object to that. It's not necessarily the parents that put it in the kids head. He could have a loopy babysitter (I know mine did a number on me with the old fire and brimstone thing). Or maybe grandma likes to listen to televangelists and he picked it up there.

At this point, if you do want to address it, perhaps you can talk about love in Christian teachings during a future discussion and try to stear away from hate. Bringing up GoMuskies point above during the conversation could be good too.

Do they just tell you to discuss Christianity with these kids for a few moments and let you have at it or do they give you some sort of discussion guidelines or list of topics that might be appropriate for kids that age?

[xubrew]

My jaw would have dropped as well. I probably would have said "No they don't." but who knows.

i think this would have been a good response. you wouldn't have even needed to elaborate beyond that.

he probably did hear it from his parents, but maybe he didn't. maybe he heard it from eric cartman and then heard his parents laugh at it. if you haven't spoken to the director about it, i would at least do that. surely something like this has happened before, or at the very least something is in place to deal with something like this. at the very least it would be a worthwhile discussion and would probably make you feel better. i also think that dealing with potentially angry parents is more the job of the director than it is yours. he should be the one to say that isn't what jumpstart teaches and if that is what they believe then peraps this isn't the program for their son.

[blobfan]

i think this would have been a good response. you wouldn't have even needed to elaborate beyond that.

he probably did hear it from his parents, but maybe he didn't. maybe he heard it from eric cartman and then heard his parents laugh at it. if you haven't spoken to the director about it, i would at least do that. surely something like this has happened before, or at the very least something is in place to deal with something like this. at the very least it would be a worthwhile discussion and would probably make you feel better. i also think that dealing with potentially angry parents is more the job of the director than it is yours. he should be the one to say that isn't what jumpstart teaches and if that is what they believe then peraps this isn't the program for their son.

Good God. What would you do if the director agreed with the kid?

[American X]

Are you telling me Jesus Christ couldn't hit a jump shot?

[xubrew]

Good God. What would you do if the director agreed with the kid?

i'd state very plainly that isn't how i'd feel, and i'd quit.

i get the idea that what the kid said isn't a commonly shared belief by those who work within jumpstart, but i guess i could be wrong.

[wkrq59]

They have the attention span of a gnat, don't listen a lick, and really don't have the coordination to be playing basketball yet, but they're sweet kids and I am having fun.

Nigel, considering your statement above, you took exactly the right tack.
The real issue is with the parents and remember this: There is no reasoning with someone who maintains that attitude.
When the little five-year-old grows to be a teen or in the junior high grades, he will, unfortunately, find out people have not only other opinions than his parents. His peers will let him know in no uncertain terms. My grandson found out at an early age that his birth father's views of others were totally unacceptable.
He also had to contend with some serious political differences and attitudes in his last year of junior high and his freshman year at one of the toughest (academically) and really diverse high schools in Nashville.
Sadly, we can't protect children from at best thoughtless attitudes of their parents, at worst from bigotry. Hopefully, by the time they are old enough to be effected by that type of crap, they'll be able to say "You're wrong."
BTW, I salute you for your heroic actions. The short attention span and failure to "listen" , only hear, is in their little lives right now, a blessing.
For heavens sake, teach 'em to shoot off the proper foot. :D:D:D

[blobfan]

i'd state very plainly that isn't how i'd feel, and i'd quit.

i get the idea that what the kid said isn't a commonly shared belief by those who work within jumpstart, but i guess i could be wrong.

Just to make sure I'm not mis-understood, I WAS NOT at ALL suggesting this organization would share that belief. I know nothing about it outside this thread. It was not a comment on the organization or the director, more of a hypothetical "it was shocking enough to hear a kid say it but can you imagine if the director's response was 'so what?'"

Honestly. No offense meant to the organization or the director. I'm sure based on Nigel's initial post that he would not be giving so much to the group if he really thought the director or organization thought that way.

[Snipe]

I teach my children that people from Pittsburgh are dirty cheaters and they all have a poor sense of personal hygiene.

So a lot of bigotry starts at home, at least that is my plan.

[Kahns Krazy]

It's also possible that the kid simply misspoke, or has interpreted some story wrong in his own head. Religion is a very confusing subject at a young age, and the concept of more than religion is even more confusing.

Knowing how kids can latch onto anything that gets a response, positive or negative, my opinion is that ignoring the comment was the best possible response.

[Nigel Tufnel]

Blob, there is a coach's manual that tells you what to discuss at each practice. Pretty sure the manual tells you, verbatim, to ask the kids what Christianity means to them. It is a pretty open ended question for a five year old, but the co-coach was just following the manual. I asked one of the kids, "Are you a Christian?" He looked at me like I had five heads and said, "no, I'm Taylor." At that point, I told them to go get a drink at the water fountain and we just started practice up again. I appreciate everything the league is about, but I don't really feel all that comfortable trying to preach to five year olds. I think if a parent wants to educate their children about God, religion, etc., they should take them to church and let them participate in the children's sermon.

I have decided I'm probably going to talk to the co-coach about it the next time I see him and see if he thinks we should inform the director. At that point, it will hopefully be out of my hands....unless, of course, if he talks to them and they come back screaming at me. That would be my luck. I don't know the director well at all, but based on my initial reaction to him, I think he'd be pretty floored. I don't know if he's say anything to the parents, but would probably appreciate knowing about it.

Thanks for the kind words, wkrq59. Much appreciated.

[Nigel Tufnel]

It's also possible that the kid simply misspoke, or has interpreted some story wrong in his own head. Religion is a very confusing subject at a young age, and the concept of more than religion is even more confusing.

Knowing how kids can latch onto anything that gets a response, positive or negative, my opinion is that ignoring the comment was the best possible response.

True...he could have asked his parents one day, "who killed Jesus?," and one of parents could have said, "the Jews killed Jesus." It wouldn't be a stretch for a five year old to rationalize that Christians love Jesus and Jews hate Jesus, seeing as how he was told that the Jews killed Jesus.

[blobfan]

Blob, there is a coach's manual that tells you what to discuss at each practice. Pretty sure the manual tells you, verbatim, to ask the kids what Christianity means to them. It is a pretty open ended question for a five year old, but the co-coach was just following the manual. I asked one of the kids, "Are you a Christian?" He looked at me like I had five heads and said, "no, I'm Taylor." At that point, I told them to go get a drink at the water fountain and we just started practice up again. I appreciate everything the league is about, but I don't really feel all that comfortable trying to preach to five year olds. I think if a parent wants to educate their children about God, religion, etc., they should take them to church and let them participate in the children's sermon.

I have decided I'm probably going to talk to the co-coach about it the next time I see him and see if he thinks we should inform the director. At that point, it will hopefully be out of my hands....unless, of course, if he talks to them and they come back screaming at me. That would be my luck. I don't know the director well at all, but based on my initial reaction to him, I think he'd be pretty floored. I don't know if he's say anything to the parents, but would probably appreciate knowing about it.

Thanks for the kind words, wkrq59. Much appreciated.

You know, you might be able to get a short book out of this experience.

[Snipe]

Killing Jesus is never the right move. Silly Jews. They should at least say they are sorry.

[xnatic03]

I'm not comfortable with them preaching to 5 year olds at a basketball league. This child's comments are obviously a reflection on his parents, because having a 5 year old myself, they mimic what they see and hear. I probably would have had a hard time saying anything aloud as well, Nigel. You're pretty well damned if you do, damned if you don't. You're obviously left worried about what you have heard, but you also worry that if you say anything, the parents are going to go ape sh#t on you. I would have hoped the person giving the "sermon" would have corrected the kid when he made his comment back.

[MADXSTER]

You could have said, That's the dumbest F'ing thing I've ever heard you dumb***. Go sit at the end of the bench as far away from me as you can.' You could gave said that. I wouldn't have but you could have.

[nuts4xu]

"it means you're not a Jew. Christians love Jesus and Jews hate Jesus."

I see nothing wrong with this statement. It is a matter of fact that Jews hate Jesus. Just ask Andy Furman. But don't worry, the feeling is mutual. From what I understand, Jesus isn't too fond of the Jews either.

[Cheesehead]

My experience w/ that group is that their teams are just awful. Forget about whole the religion thing, get your kind into a good basketball program! I think one of my son's teams beat one of their teams by 40 about a year ago.

I guess they didn't pray hard enough because these kids had no skills. :D

[Xman95]

From what I understand, Jesus isn't too fond of the Jews either.

Snipe...I mean, JC, is this true? (OK, he's at least the poster formerly known as JC.)

Hey, is Xeus a Jew? He killed JC on this board!

[Xman95]

Nothing religious here (unless you feel XU Hoops is as religion...I wouldn't argue with you on that!)...

So my sister, a UD grad, calls after the game to rub the 25-pt. beating in my face. Then she gets my 5-year-old son on the phone. She always tries to get him to the Dark Side, but the XU force is too strong with this one.

Well, she starts asking him if he watched the game and I can hear her telling him about how bad Dayton beat Xavier. My son, the wonderful child that he is, responds, "yeah, well Dayton's still a dump."

OK, so maybe he has had some coaching and training from his father, but hearing that is still music to the ears! Even my sister had to laugh at that one.

[D-West & PO-Z]

The problem is that he most likely heard it from his parents, if not them then he has been watching South Park too much.

Bingo.

[picknroll]

OK....this is pretty unbelievable, but its worth sharing and seeing how others would have dealt with this pretty uncomfortable situation I was placed in earlier tonight. Disclaimer: I work in a pretty stressful job. When I'm done with work, I'm not really a social butterfly. I don't have any desire to go out in the community and meet new friends...I want nothing to do with politics....I hear about other people's lives every day....EVERY F'IN DAY....so when I'm done with work, I want to focus on my family. That may seem pathetic to some here, but it is what it is and I am who I am. Point being, I'm definitely a friendly person, but I like to keep at arm's length from people who aren't in my inner circle of work, family and close, long time friends. I'm not one to "get involved."

So I sign my 5 year old up for Upward Bound basketball. Great league for the little ones to be introduced to basketball at a young age....too young, in my opinion, but I digress. They don't keep score, everyone plays....go through a tunnel and have your name announced over the PA before the game....its cool for the kids and well put together. So anyway, my kid really likes it when I coach (coached him in tball the last two years), so the wife signs me up as an assistant coach because of my work hours. The director calls me, they need head coaches, I tell him that I'm not sure I have the time with work to guarantee I can get to all the practices on time.....he says no problem, he will get me a Co Head Coach. I call the Co-Head Coach before the first practice and learn that he didn't even know he was a coach, but he'll be happy to help, but he can only be at every other practice and every other game.....and so it goes....I'm totally roped into this thing. I proceed to work my office hours around practice at 6:00 p.m. (I requested 7:00 p.m. practice on the sign in sheet) when I work 35 mins from where I live. It makes the other days in the week a living hell, but I will admit, I've really enjoyed coaching, hanging out with my son, and coaching these lively 5 year olds. They have the attention span of a gnat, don't listen a lick, and really don't have the coordination to be playing basketball yet, but they're sweet kids and I am having fun.

So that leads us to tonight. During every Upward Bound practice, you have to take about 5 minutes and sit down with the kids and talk about God, Christianity. Its not obnoxious at all. A little uncomfortable for me...but I can handle it. Tonight, co coach asks one of the kids, "what do you think Christianity means?" Kid says, as God is my witness, "it means you're not a Jew. Christians love Jesus and Jews hate Jesus." Now, I must say I don't think many of the kids heard him say it because half of them were talking at the same time....but I'm pretty sure a couple of kids heard it...even though they probably have no idea what it means. I don't get rattled that easily, but my jaw dropped to the floor.

How do you deal with a five year old saying something like that at an Upward Bound basketball practice? Do you let it go? Do you tell him that's an inappropriate thing to say? Do you go tell his parents what he said and see how they react? Do you go over and tell the parents that their child is saying inappropriate things? What if that is what they believe and then they get pissed at you for making such a comment?

Me....I let it go. But I can't help but wondering if I should have said something....but again, I don't want the drama.

So......how would you have handled this situation?

Sorry for the huge post, but I thought some background would explain why I did what I did.


Immediately start the layup drill.

[drudy23]

Killing Jesus is never the right move. Silly Jews. They should at least say they are sorry.

Speaking of Jesus...at the time my 2 year old and 3 year old were having a conversation about Jesus. They were going on and on about who Jesus is, how he loves them, blah, blah, blah.

So, I step in and ask, "who killed Jesus" (in hindsight probably not the best question to ask, but oh well). My 2 year old gets a twinkle in his eye and yells "Spiderman"!!!

So, I start laughing...then my three year jumps up and yells "It wasn't Spider Man, it was Pontius Pirate"!!!

I lost it.