Guys Who Take Walks

[TheDanimal]

Let me state for the record that nothing makes me angrier than guys who take walks in slow pitch softball. Have some respect.

That is all.

[Xman95]

Let me state for the record that nothing makes me angrier than guys who take walks in slow pitch softball. Have some respect.

That is all.


Only the mailman walks.

[Jumpy]

When I used to play competetive softball, I would take walks regularly. In beer league softball, though, I couldn't imagine taking one unless a) the pitcher couldn't even give me one close to hittable or b) it was a crucial situation requiring me to get on base regardless of the method.

[Cheesehead]

Let me state for the record that nothing makes me angrier than guys who take walks in slow pitch softball. Have some respect.

That is all.

I agree. The only way I would take a walk is if the bases were loaded, it was the bottom of the 7th w/ 2 outs and the city championship was on the line. Otherwise, never.

I think the next batter should be out if you take a walk in beer league or co-ed softball...and you you should turn in your man card

[XUglow]

I could solve that walking thing in the beer league with one rule. "You get one called strike, and you are out."

[Masterofreality]

Like in golf-

"Just hit the "F-ing" ball!!!

[Strange Brew]

I could solve that walking thing in the beer league with one rule. "You get one called strike, and you are out."

I don't think this goes far enough. If you take a walk, you must immediately submit yourself to castration administered by repeated, brutal shots to the groin with the very bat you once held in your weak, limp hands.

[drudy23]

Additionally, if you purposely try to hit it to the girl in RF (in co-ed leagues), you are automatically out. e.g the right-hander who contorts his body just to hit it to right field on purpose.

Weak.

[MHettel]

My last year of competitive softball, we played 60 games, and I took 45 walks. I hit about .575, with an OBP of .700.

We had a number of speedy young guys and some REAL mashers in the middle of the lineup, so I hit about 7-8 usually.

My back has been injured for along time, and my speed is below average. I was a singles hitter, mostly driving the ball to the right of second base. In my mind, a single and a walk were the exact same result. We had capable hitters behind me, so it's not like I needed to do something (put teh ball in play) that otehrs couldn't do.

Most important, however, was the fact that I ALWAYS got good pitches to hit. It's amazing what taking 2 pitches will do. Pitchers try to get to precise, and miss the zone, and I'm not swining. I must have seen 100 pitches right down the middle that I ripped to right center.

I'm worried about results, not style points.

[drudy23]

My last year of competitive softball, we played 60 games, and I took 45 walks. I hit about .575, with an OBP of .700.

We had a number of speedy young guys and some REAL mashers in the middle of the lineup, so I hit about 7-8 usually.

My back has been injured for along time, and my speed is below average. I was a singles hitter, mostly driving the ball to the right of second base. In my mind, a single and a walk were the exact same result. We had capable hitters behind me, so it's not like I needed to do something (put teh ball in play) that otehrs couldn't do.

Most important, however, was the fact that I ALWAYS got good pitches to hit. It's amazing what taking 2 pitches will do. Pitchers try to get to precise, and miss the zone, and I'm not swining. I must have seen 100 pitches right down the middle that I ripped to right center.

I'm worried about results, not style points.

And you, my friend, are the reason for this thread. Grow a pair and swing the bat.

[SixFig]

I enjoy long walks on the beach, puppies, and getting caught in the rain...

[PMI]

And you, my friend, are the reason for this thread. Grow a pair and swing the bat.

Exactly. Why don't you just admit to wearing a fanny pack to the zoo, Hettel? Everyone has things they shouldn't be proud of. Admitting them on a message board is a weak choice. But hey, I think it's really cool that you still remember your BA and OBP from your days of batting 7-8 in softball.

Thanks Guy Fawkes, now you've got grown men (I assume) coming into the House of Smack to turn their balls in. This is all your fault.

[XUglow]

My last year of competitive softball, we played 60 games, and I took 45 walks. I hit about .575, with an OBP of .700.

I must have seen 100 pitches right down the middle that I ripped to right center.
.

.575Y = X
.700(Y+45) = X + 45

Y = 108 at bats.
X - 62 hits.

You batted 153 times in 60 games.

So, you took all of those pitches to get an average of one single to right center each game.

Whoop-ti-do...

[drudy23]

.575Y = X
.700(Y+45) = X + 45

Y = 108 at bats.
X - 62 hits.

You batted 153 times in 60 games.

So, you took all of those pitches to get an average of one single to right center each game.

Whoop-ti-do...

You beat me to it....I'd rep you if I could.

Not only did he take walks...he purposely hit to the girl in right field.

Man card revoked for 2 life sentences.

[MHettel]

Getting on base= good.

Worrying about how you do it= bad.

[D-West & PO-Z]

Getting on base= good.

Worrying about how you do it= bad.

Remembering(or even knowing in the first place) stats from a softball league = douchebag

[PMI]

Remembering(or even knowing in the first place) stats from a softball league = douchebag

I'd rep you for this if I could. But don't bother trying to explain it to MHettel. I'd be surprised if he didn't remember his stats from little league. It's just how he rolls.

On a side note, I'd like everyone to know that I won 9 straight games of pool last night at the bar. It brings my all-time win % up to almost .900. Good thing I didn't play that last game.

[Kahns Krazy]

I have a problem in general with the term "competitive softball", unless it's fast pitch and you're a girl. Slow pitch softball is a beer sport. It's what you do to kill time between "meeting the team at the bar" and "going back to the bar after the game with the team".

[BiggieXU]

Let me state for the record that nothing makes me angrier than guys who take walks in slow pitch softball. Have some respect.

That is all.
YES, I wholeheartedly agree. We play a team where the old guy pitchers tells his team not to swing unless there are 1 and sometimes even 2 strikes. Pathetic. I swing and miss on a bad 3-0 pitch so I get another chance to hit.

It's also good strategy if you can hit doubles to get over to 2nd rather than be stuck at 1st from your walk.

[BiggieXU]

I don't think this goes far enough. If you take a walk, you must immediately submit yourself to castration administered by repeated, brutal shots to the groin with the very bat you once held in your weak, limp hands.
We just boo our own teammates when they walk. When we go out for beer after they have to get a pitcher too.

[Xman95]

Thanks Guy Fawkes, now you've got grown men (I assume) coming into the House of Smack to turn their balls in. This is all your fault.

Another week in solitary?

[Xman95]

Anyone trying to walk in softball should wear a skirt (unless you're a woman playing highly competitive fast-pitch...then you don't even own a skirt because your balls would show.)

[Strange Brew]

My last year of competitive softball, we played 60 games, and I took 45 walks. I hit about .575, with an OBP of .700.

We had a number of speedy young guys and some REAL mashers in the middle of the lineup, so I hit about 7-8 usually.

My back has been injured for along time, and my speed is below average. I was a singles hitter, mostly driving the ball to the right of second base. In my mind, a single and a walk were the exact same result. We had capable hitters behind me, so it's not like I needed to do something (put teh ball in play) that otehrs couldn't do.

Most important, however, was the fact that I ALWAYS got good pitches to hit. It's amazing what taking 2 pitches will do. Pitchers try to get to precise, and miss the zone, and I'm not swining. I must have seen 100 pitches right down the middle that I ripped to right center.

I'm worried about results, not style points.

Wow, do you guys have a coach and did mommy bring sodas for post game? Holy JC, it's slow pitch softball. Playing small ball and creating strategy for SP softball is just as bad as standing there in your skirt and taking 4 pitches.

[Strange Brew]

We just boo our own teammates when they walk. When we go out for beer after they have to get a pitcher too.

Man up Biggie, booing and buying a pitcher does not nearly effectively get the point across as violently crushing a man's "grapes" with the very bat he, being an insult to manliness, refused to swing. NO EXCUSES SWING THE GD BAT!

[danaandvictory]

Wow, do you guys have a coach and did mommy bring sodas for post game? Holy JC, it's slow pitch softball. Playing small ball and creating strategy for SP softball is just as bad as standing there in your skirt and taking 4 pitches.

The fact that MHettel cares about his OBP in a slow-pitch softball league is the least surprising thing of all time. I bet he wears rec-specs, coach shorts, and spent at minimum $300 on his bat. What a chode.

[xu2013]

Don't forget about the steroids.... wait he takes walks so......

[Kahns Krazy]

The fact that MHettel cares about his OBP in a slow-pitch softball league is the least surprising thing of all time. I bet he wears rec-specs, coach shorts, and spent at minimum $300 on his bat. What a chode.

I always thought "chode" was spelled "choad". According to urban dictionary, we're both right.

This made me laugh

choad 233 up, 55 down
Choad, also spelt chode, is a variant of the word choda (penis) which comes from the Hindi word (chodna). Chodna simply means to fuck. The word choad however is what is known as a neologism. This is a word that is newly acknowledged but has not been in circulation long enough or widely enough for its social status to be determined. As it stands, the word choad has three major definitions.
1) A short, fat penis that is wider than it is longer
2) The area between the scrotum/vagina and the anus.
3) A derogatory term used to insult somebody.
1) Ducas has a fat choad.
2) Last night your mom tongued my choad.
3) Quit being such a choad.

I think this would make an excellent spelling bee word.

[PMI]

http://eater.com/uploads/2009_02_hoseaterminator.gif

[MHettel]

man, you guys are freakin dicks.

[D-West & PO-Z]

man, you guys are freakin dicks.

C'mon now hettel. You put you softball statistics up on this site and you dont expect us to abuse you? I mean you knew your OB%. Get serious.

[PMI]

man, you guys are freakin dicks.

You came to the House of Smack to talk about your 45 walks, your BA and your OBS in a men's softball league. Don't act so surprised. When you walk into the lion's den strapped with raw meat, you are going to get attacked. Feel free to strike back (although at this point I might just change the subject if I were you.)

[XUglow]

man, you guys are freakin dicks.

Don't get mad at us. You are the one taking pitches.

[BiggieXU]

Man up Biggie, booing and buying a pitcher does not nearly effectively get the point across as violently crushing a man's "grapes" with the very bat he, being an insult to manliness, refused to swing. NO EXCUSES SWING THE GD BAT!
Touche good sir

[Smails]

This is a great thread... Gotta love the slap hitter with the $350 Mikken. Little does he realize that he'd get the same result with the 1985 Bombat. I play on Friday nights and the park I play at has a ton of these dudes. Gotta love the guy with: coaches shorts, backback dual bat holder, goatee, sleeveless, beer tub toting slightly overweight used to be hot girlfriend who tends to get mouthy from the stands.

[drudy23]

man, you guys are freakin dicks.

It's the House of Smack...go hard or go home.

Wussy.

[PMI]

This is a great thread...

Remember this. This goes for everyone. This is what can happen when you start a thread that is actually about talking smack. This is what we would have more of if we eliminated the Guy who pollutes the House with weak smack. I won't mention any names, but it really is just one Guy. Nice work Danimal.

Now back to the topic. MHettel:

http://sportzfun.com/photos/albums/baseball/scared_fan.jpg

[drudy23]

Remember this. This goes for everyone. This is what can happen when you start a thread that is actually about talking smack. This is what we would have more of if we eliminated the Guy who pollutes the House with weak smack. I won't mention any names, but it really is just one Guy. Nice work Danimal.

Now back to the topic. MHettel:

http://sportzfun.com/photos/albums/baseball/scared_fan.jpg

I spit my Mountain Dew out.

[MHettel]

I can only imagine how many of you guys make 65K and drive BMWs.

More worried about what people think, and less focused on the objective.

I LOVE taking walks in softball. And my teammates LOVED when I got on base, and pissed of the pitcher. And then OTHER guys on my team woudl start taking some pitches and found that was a pretty effective way to see strikes.

I also LOVED winning. Which we always did.

[PMI]

I can only imagine how many of you guys make 65K and drive BMWs.

More worried about what people think, and less focused on the objective.

I LOVE taking walks in softball. And my teammates LOVED when I got on base, and pissed of the pitcher. And then OTHER guys on my team woudl start taking some pitches and found that was a pretty effective way to see strikes.

I also LOVED winning. Which we always did.

Hey I guess if the whole team felt that way then it's alright. You guys were all on the same page. I'm guessing you guys had your own special table at the bar too, far away from the other tables. Everyone smile for the team picture:

http://www.recyclarama.com/shawn/logos/logos_nerd_rave.jpg

And I drive a Ford Explorer.

[danaandvictory]

I also LOVED winning. Which we always did.

Normal people play softball to have fun. People obsessed with winning softball games are, to coin a term, gigantic festering chodes.

[BiggieXU]

Normal people play softball to have fun. People obsessed with winning softball games are, to coin a term, gigantic festering chodes.
This, I like to win but come on, it's softball.

[AdamtheFlyer]

There are two kinds of softball, fun and competitive.

I play in a beer league (co ed) with people from my wife's office. I don't walk, I try to hit a HR every time up. Winning isn't the goal, socializing is. It's just fun. Practice for me, really.

I also play on a competitive Men's league team with college buddies. I get selective and will walk if necessary. We play tournaments and all that stuff. It's a different vibe. We're all former athletes and it really helps the competitive fire that always burns in an athlete.

[XUglow]

AdamtheFlyer takes walks. I rest my case.

[drudy23]

There are two kinds of softball, fun and competitive.

I play in a beer league (co ed) with people from my wife's office. I don't walk, I try to hit a HR every time up. Winning isn't the goal, socializing is. It's just fun. Practice for me, really.

I also play on a competitive Men's league team with college buddies. I get selective and will walk if necessary. We play tournaments and all that stuff. It's a different vibe. We're all former athletes and it really helps the competitive fire that always burns in an athlete.

Beer league softball fuels your competitive fire? I don't see many athletes in beer league softball leagues.

Regardless if it's beer league or competitive league, count is 3-0 or 0-2, we're up by 20 or down by 20, we need as ingle for the win...I'm trying to hit the ball over the fence EVERYTIME I come to the plate in a softball game.

Granted, I usually fly out to the left-fielder...but I'd rather do that than walk.

[PMI]

There are two kinds of softball, fun and competitive.

I play in a beer league (co ed) with people from my wife's office. I don't walk, I try to hit a HR every time up. Winning isn't the goal, socializing is. It's just fun. Practice for me, really.

I also play on a competitive Men's league team with college buddies. I get selective and will walk if necessary. We play tournaments and all that stuff. It's a different vibe. We're all former athletes and it really helps the competitive fire that always burns in an athlete.

Like Hettel, you manage to find a way to take the fun out of men's softball. Congratulations. There's nothing more annoying than a guy who gets overly intense about a game or sport that A) has no money on the line or B) really isn't very important to anyone other than himself in the grand scheme of things. That said, there are few things more satisfying than beating those kinds of people and soaking up their reactions.

There you go MH, you and the Dayton fan can play softball together, and you can keep track of the numbers.

[AdamtheFlyer]

Like Hettel, you manage to find a way to take the fun out of men's softball. Congratulations. There's nothing more annoying than a guy who gets overly intense about a game or sport that A) has no money on the line or B) really isn't very important to anyone other than himself in the grand scheme of things. That said, there are few things more satisfying than beating those kinds of people and soaking up their reactions.

There you go MH, you and the Dayton fan can play softball together, and you can keep track of the numbers.


Woah, woah, woah, you're taking 2 and 2 and getting 19. There's nothing overly intense about the game. I don't know my batting average, or OPS, or how many errors I've made. I said it's competitive. The level of competition is raised, and as an athlete, it's a great way to relieve the competitive fire. Everyone has a competitive fire about something. It's not even necesarily about winning, you want to measure yourself against good competition. No one's screaming at the ump or throwing fits when we lose. No matter how big the brush you use to paint, you just don't seem to understand it. It's just a little more than "Let's play 7 innings and get drunk at B-Dubs". If you're not a crazed lunatic, which we aren't (although I've seen some bad, bad scenes on the field), it's healthy.

[PMI]

Woah, woah, woah, you're taking 2 and 2 and getting 19. There's nothing overly intense about the game. I don't know my batting average, or OPS, or how many errors I've made. I said it's competitive. The level of competition is raised, and as an athlete, it's a great way to relieve the competitive fire. Everyone has a competitive fire about something. You want to win, measure yourself against good competition. No one's screaming at the ump or throwing fits when we lose. No matter how big the brush you use to paint, you just don't seem to understand it.

You take walks in softball. That is unnecessary and takes the fun out of a FRIGGIN SOFTBALL GAME. The second point was a general thought and the rest of it was directed at MHettel. Not sure where you took anything about yelling at umps and keeping stats from my post. Guess I need to use a bigger brush for you.

I don't need a lecture on competitive fire. Everyone gets competitive at times for certain things. That doesn't mean you should start playing like less than what your gender suggests you are, which includes taking walks in MEN'S SOFTBALL. SOFTball.

[Kahns Krazy]

There are two kinds of softball, fun and douchebag.

I play in a beer league (co ed) with people from my wife's office. I don't walk, I try to hit a HR every time up. Winning isn't the goal, socializing is. It's just fun. Practice for me, really.

I also play on a douchebag Men's league team with college buddies. I get douchebaggy and will walk if necessary. We play tournaments and all that stuff. It's a different vibe. We're all wannabe athletes and it really helps the infection that always burns in my vagina.

Fixed that for you.

[AdamtheFlyer]

You take walks in softball. That is unnecessary and takes the fun out of a FRIGGIN SOFTBALL GAME. The second point was a general thought and the rest of it was directed at MHettel. Not sure where you took anything about yelling at umps and keeping stats from my post. Guess I need to use a bigger brush for you.

I don't need a lecture on competitive fire. Everyone gets competitive at times for certain things. That doesn't mean you should start playing like less than what your gender suggests you are, which includes taking walks in MEN'S SOFTBALL. SOFTball.

Again, taking 2 and 2 and getting 19. I said "if necessary". You know, like if a guy lands every pitch three feet short of the plate, or outside the LH batters box. It happens. If I don't have a chance to hit a 3-2 pitch, I won't swing. 3-1? I've swung at a pitch that was three feet over my head just to see another. It's not hard to get a hit in softball, anything in the same zipcode as the plate is a double waiting to happen.

Taking a walk is fine. Working a walk is not. There are guys that will intentionally foul off a pitch because he's sure the next one will be a ball. It's the same guy that wears baseball pants and high socks.

[PMI]

Again, taking 2 and 2 and getting 19. I said "if necessary". You know, like if a guy lands every pitch three feet short of the plate, or outside the LH batters box. It happens. If I don't have a chance to hit a 3-2 pitch, I won't swing. 3-1? I've swung at a pitch that was three feet over my head just to see another. It's not hard to get a hit in softball, anything in the same zipcode as the plate is a double waiting to happen.

Taking a walk is fine. Working a walk is not. There are guys that will intentionally foul off a pitch because he's sure the next one will be a ball. It's the same guy that wears baseball pants and high socks.

Yeah, I'm the one that's off... It's a bit different explaining it that way than, "I take walks if necessary," when you're jumping into a thread that's ripping a guy for three pages for admitting to trying to get on base any way necessary. Check your context if you don't want people "misinterpreting" you. Either way, taking walks in men's softball is for chodes. Or is it choads?

[danaandvictory]

Either way, taking walks in men's softball is for chodes. Or is it choads?

Either spelling is valid. I believe "chode" is the Commonwealth spelling, customary in Canada and former British possessions, whereas "choad" is of Acadian etymology and more popular in the United States.

And yes, I suspect there are chodes in recreational cricket, too.

[danaandvictory]

Beer league softball fuels your competitive fire? I don't see many athletes in beer league softball leagues.

Adam used to destroy people in his glory days on the Alter checkers team.

[Kahns Krazy]

Again, taking 2 and 2 and getting 19.

The first time you used this bit it was like taking a walk in softball. The second time was like striking out looking while trying to take a walk in softball.

[MHettel]

There's nothing more annoying than a guy who gets overly intense about a game or sport that A) has no money on the line or B) really isn't very important to anyone other than himself in the grand scheme of things.

Would watching college basketball meet your criteria? No money on the line, and essentially means nothing.

-The fact that competitive softball exists in not debatable.
-The fact that you cannot distinguish between competitive and recreational softball is unfortunate, and likely the reason you cannot understand that I play to win. It's not about style, it's about results.

- Some guys play golf, some play hoops, some shoot pool, some play darts, some play tennis.

- to suggest that I should somehow NOT do everything in my ability to WIN the game is asinine.

[XUglow]

you're taking 2 and 2 and getting 19.

You're taking 2 and 2 and getting 0. 2 balls + 2 balls = 0 balls. You walk to first, but you walk kind of funny.

[PMI]

Would watching college basketball meet your criteria? No money on the line, and essentially means nothing.

-The fact that competitive softball exists in not debatable.
-The fact that you cannot distinguish between competitive and recreational softball is unfortunate, and likely the reason you cannot understand that I play to win. It's not about style, it's about results.

- Some guys play golf, some play hoops, some shoot pool, some play darts, some play tennis.

- to suggest that I should somehow NOT do everything in my ability to WIN the game is asinine.

That's funny, I've heard the same arguments from people who defend steroid users. Sorry, MH, but it's not that black and white. If you cork your bat, take performance-enhancing drugs, or walk in softball, the result is the same. You experience a little more success at the expense of most of your peers thinking you are a douchebag. To some people that doesn't matter. You, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, the list goes on.

I have never been in a competitive softball league, but I've been in plenty of other leagues for sports and games, some of which I've had some good success in. I would not do something that my fellow competitors or teammates would look down on or give me endless shit for just to win. I have enough confidence that if I work hard and do my best by doing it the right way, I can be fine. You were batting 7-8, so chances are, you needed that competitive advantage just to stay in the lineup. Maybe that's a sign that you should find another activity or another level of that activity. Maybe you should just be an indoors kind of guy, I don't know. What I do know is that the majority of the people who have given their input here have the same opinion about taking walks in men's softball. Just like they have the same opinion on whether or not X should go independent. But in both cases, you are content being in the minority. That's fine, but don't suggest for a minute that I'm the one being asinine. I have numbers to back me up.

You are not the Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds of this board. You are Jay Gibbons. You took the low road and still weren't that good. Congratulations. And before you question my comparing steroid use in baseball to walking in softball, consider that both will lose you the respect of those around you, and both shrink your balls.

I wish I was around to see the rest of this thread pan out, but I must be going. Good day.

[BiggieXU]

Taking a walk is fine. Working a walk is not. There are guys that will intentionally foul off a pitch because he's sure the next one will be a ball. It's the same guy that wears baseball pants and high socks.
This is a good point too.

After all this I have to admit I've taken 1 walk in my softball life, because the guy intentionally walked me.

[MHettel]

If you cork your bat, take performance-enhancing drugs, or walk in softball, the result is the same. To some people that doesn't matter. You, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, the list goes on.

I have never been in a competitive softball league, but I've been in plenty of other leagues for sports and games, some of which I've had some good success in. I would not do something that my fellow competitors or teammates would look down on or give me endless shit for just to win. I have enough confidence that if I work hard and do my best by doing it the right way, I can be fine. You were batting 7-8, so chances are, you needed that competitive advantage just to stay in the lineup. Maybe that's a sign that you should find another activity or another level of that activity. Maybe you should just be an indoors kind of guy, I don't know. What I do know is that the majority of the people who have given their input here have the same opinion about taking walks in men's softball. Just like they have the same opinion on whether or not X should go independent. But in both cases, you are content being in the minority. That's fine, but don't suggest for a minute that I'm the one being asinine. I have numbers to back me up.

You are not the Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds of this board. You are Jay Gibbons. You took the low road and still weren't that good. Congratulations. And before you question my comparing steroid use in baseball to walking in softball, consider that both will lose you the respect of those around you, and both shrink your balls.

I wish I was around to see the rest of this thread pan out, but I must be going. Good day.

Does you admission that you don't know anything about competitive softball undermine your ability to make a statement on "doing it the right way." Had it occured to you that maybe I AM doing it the right way?

Just for clarity purposes. Steriods are considered cheating. Taking a walk in softball is not cheating.

I dont give a flying fuck about style points. Swinging, hitting and putting a ball in play MAY RESULT IN AN OUT. Choosing to not swing at bad pitches, and subsequently drawing a walk CANNOT result in an out. OUTS ARE BAD.

Some of you dudes are just over the top.

Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and me. Got it.

[MHettel]

Here's a good question for you.

What if you found out that CJ Anderson could make 95% of his FTs when he shoots them underhanded. Would you be pissed?

[PMI]

Does you admission that you don't know anything about competitive softball undermine your ability to make a statement on "doing it the right way." Had it occured to you that maybe I AM doing it the right way?

Just for clarity purposes. Steriods are considered cheating. Taking a walk in softball is not cheating.

I dont give a flying fuck about style points. Swinging, hitting and putting a ball in play MAY RESULT IN AN OUT. Choosing to not swing at bad pitches, and subsequently drawing a walk CANNOT result in an out. OUTS ARE BAD.

Some of you dudes are just over the top.

Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and me. Got it.

Spare me the "it's different because it's allowed in the rule book." So if spiking the basketball off an opponents face on an inbound play, but most coaches (including ours for obvious reasons) would not allow his players to do it. Some things that are allowed are still looked down upon by the majority, such as trying hard to take walks in a men's softball game, just for clarity purposes. And where did I admit I know nothing about competitive softball. I said I never played. You never played college hoops yet you think your math skills make you some kind of expert. You think that you are in the less than 1% that is smarter than everyone else with college hoops, as evidenced by your independent shit, where the other 99% plus disagree. And again, don't compare yourself to Bonds and Clemens. You are Jay Gibbons. Big difference.


Here's a good question for you.

What if you found out that CJ Anderson could make 95% of his FTs when he shoots them underhanded. Would you be pissed?

Nope. It would be hilarious and he would probably have a sense of humor about it. I would love it.

Later.

[Kahns Krazy]

I googled "competitive softball". I got this:

http://www.muscleod.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/alli.jpg

I think that's Hettel's boyfriend.

[D-West & PO-Z]

Fixed that for you.

Classic! I tried to rep you but I couldnt.

[Strange Brew]

man, you guys are freakin dicks.

You don't deserve a dick.

[Strange Brew]

There are two kinds of softball, fun and competitive.

I play in a beer league (co ed) with people from my wife's office. I don't walk, I try to hit a HR every time up. Winning isn't the goal, socializing is. It's just fun. Practice for me, really.

I also play on a competitive Men's league team with college buddies. I get selective and will walk if necessary. We play tournaments and all that stuff. It's a different vibe. We're all former athletes and it really helps the competitive fire that always burns in an athlete.

Wow, how perfect. there are two types of college basketball teams. One that consistantly wins games in the NCAA tourney and those who host the "play in" game. Keep taking walks and accepting mediocrity you ankle biting Flyer.

Welcome to the smack board.

[MHettel]

You:

I wish I was around to see the rest of this thread pan out, but I must be going. Good day.

Me: wait......hesitate....groan......."I call"

You: (What a gem!)

(1) Spare me the "it's different because it's allowed in the rule book."

Ok. No longer distinguishing between right and wrong, yet I'M THE CHEATER!:

Score: me=1, you=0

(2) So if spiking the basketball off an opponents face on an inbound play, but most coaches (including ours for obvious reasons) would not allow his players to do it.

a. except our coach actually DID that....and
b. ....Nobody else in the world ever has.

You equate something that never happens, to something that routinely occurs.

Score: me=2, you=0

(3) Some things that are allowed are still looked down upon by the majority, such as trying hard to take walks in a men's softball game, just for clarity purposes.

And since I've played, and you have not...then.....

Score: me=3, you =0

(4) And where did I admit I know nothing about competitive softball.[/B]

Since you dont know what I mean, then you prove this without any additional evidence.

SCORE: Me: 5, You: 0

(5) your math skills make you some kind of expert.

THANKS!

(6)You think that you are in the less than 1% that is smarter than everyone else with college hoops, as evidenced by your independent shit

You: "world is flat!"
Me: "really?"

Score: me: 6, you 0 (there may be a pattern here)


Really man. You just gonna keep getting your ass handed to you?

[boozehound]

I can only imagine how many of you guys make 65K and drive BMWs.

More worried about what people think, and less focused on the objective.

I LOVE taking walks in softball. And my teammates LOVED when I got on base, and pissed of the pitcher. And then OTHER guys on my team woudl start taking some pitches and found that was a pretty effective way to see strikes.

I also LOVED winning. Which we always did.

Speculating on people's imaginary incomes and cars on an internet message board does nothing to make people think you are less of a chode. In fact, I would argue that it makes you more of a chode.

That's like me saying that I bet you have a dick that is 3 inches wide and 2 inches long. It really doesn't mean anything because I am basing it on absolutely nothing. Well, nothing other than the fact that guys with dicks longer than 2 inches don't take walks in softball...

[GuyFawkes38]

I just read through this thread.

Probably the funniest thread ever on XH. The more Mhettle tries to defend himself, the more absurd he sounds. Seriously reminds of Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[MHettel]

I'll take Larry David anyday. The guy lives solely for the purpose of entertaining HIMSELF. It's awesome.

[Kahns Krazy]

Are you really scoring points for yourself in an internet smack forum?

You are a very rare breed, in that taking walks in men's softball might actually make you a little bit cooler than you are by nature.

[Smails]

I see the makings of the firs annual XH pros versus joes softball extravaganza

[Nigel Tufnel]

I'm not touching the "I take walks in softball games" discussion....well, ok, I've never taken a walk in a softball game...neither here nor there, just out of curiosity, has anyone on this board or in this thread ever actually met MHettel?

While I know this is the Smack Forum and some here may be having fun, I just thought I'd let all of you know that I knew him quite well while we attended X and he is a very good guy. He enjoys a good debate...ok, maybe even an argument, every now and then...ok, maybe a lot....but he is good people.

Honestly, when reading this thread, I just simply couldn't tell if the barbs are all in good fun or if things are actually getting testy here. Either way, regardless of walks in softball or X going independent, MHettel is a good dude.

Sorry I didn't bring the smack to the smack forum....but things can get lost in translation in the written word....and I couldn't tell if this was truly getting nasty or everyone is just having a laugh.

"Are you having a laugh?" Name the show.

[danaandvictory]

Extras. Great show.

My insults have been pure unalloyed smack, as per the spirit of this forum.

[GoMuskies]

Man, I'm sorry I missed this thread. Quality stuff.

BTW, taking a walk in men's softball = taking a charge in a pickup basketball game.

[XUglow]

Swinging, hitting and putting a ball in play MAY RESULT IN AN OUT.

Wow... just wow... fear of failure taken to an illogical extreme.

How about driving in runs, getting past first base with an extra base hit or fumbled ball or throwing error or simply taking second on a throw to another base, moving other runners beside yourself, taking the chance to remove the easy force at second base, etc.

A walk isn't as good as a hit. A numbers man like yourself probably has the data to show that the at bats where you put the ball in play where much more productive than the walks where you didn't put it in play.

[drudy23]

I'm not touching the "I take walks in softball games" discussion....well, ok, I've never taken a walk in a softball game...neither here nor there, just out of curiosity, has anyone on this board or in this thread ever actually met MHettel?

While I know this is the Smack Forum and some here may be having fun, I just thought I'd let all of you know that I knew him quite well while we attended X and he is a very good guy. He enjoys a good debate...ok, maybe even an argument, every now and then...ok, maybe a lot....but he is good people.

Honestly, when reading this thread, I just simply couldn't tell if the barbs are all in good fun or if things are actually getting testy here. Either way, regardless of walks in softball or X going independent, MHettel is a good dude.

Sorry I didn't bring the smack to the smack forum....but things can get lost in translation in the written word....and I couldn't tell if this was truly getting nasty or everyone is just having a laugh.

"Are you having a laugh?" Name the show.

It's the smack forum.

I'm sure he's swell. But smack is smack...and no one is immune.

Other than taking walks, I'm sure he's a good dude.

[Jumpy]

Through the life of this thread, it surprises me that no one brought up two key points.

1) Taking walks in softball is infinitely better than striking out in softball.

2) The only reason this thread was started is because Danimal was embarrassed by a team that realized he was unable to put a pitch over the plate.

[Kahns Krazy]

Through the life of this thread, it surprises me that no one brought up two key points.

1) Taking walks in softball is infinitely better than striking out in softball.

2) The only reason this thread was started is because Danimal was embarrassed by a team that realized he was unable to put a pitch over the plate.

I disagree. When a teammate strikes out, it is hilarious, and that's one less round I have to buy at the bar. When a teammate takes a walk, it's just embarrassing.

I played in a co-ed league where if a male was walked with a female batting behind him, the female had the option to take an automatic walk. Our girls never, ever took the free walk.

[PMI]

It's a shame that I haven't been able to see this thread since the last time I posted. MHettel probably thinks he got a pretty good burn in, I'm sure. How adorable.


You:

Me: wait......hesitate....groan......."I call"

You: (What a gem!)

(1) Spare me the "it's different because it's allowed in the rule book."

Ok. No longer distinguishing between right and wrong, yet I'M THE CHEATER!:

Score: me=1, you=0

Unfortunately, we were never distinguishing between what is right and wrong according to the rule books. We were distinguishing between what is right and wrong in man code. So yes, you are in the wrong, according to popular vote. Your point is revoked.




(2) So if spiking the basketball off an opponents face on an inbound play, but most coaches (including ours for obvious reasons) would not allow his players to do it.

a. except our coach actually DID that....and
b. ....Nobody else in the world ever has.

You equate something that never happens, to something that routinely occurs.

Score: me=2, you=0

Well of course I know that our coach did it, which is why I made the reference. Unfortunately, you are wrong about nobody else in the world ever having done it though. In fact, Mack mentioned that one of his reasons for transferring out of Evansville was that his coach told his players to do stuff like that and he didn't like it. Also, it happened in the Pac 10 tournament a couple years ago to a UCLA guy. It was totally in the rule books. Ben Howland was still none too happy, believe that.

So I will have to deduct a point for lack of correct information, and I will awarded one point for a valid comparison, since the regularity of the act has less to do with the point than the overall cowardice and lowliness of it.

Updated Score, PMI: 1 MHettel: -1




(3) Some things that are allowed are still looked down upon by the majority, such as trying hard to take walks in a men's softball game, just for clarity purposes.

And since I've played, and you have not...then.....

Score: me=3, you =0

The fact that you have "played," if you give yourself that much benefit of the doubt, and I have not means absolutely nothing. You've never played college basketball yet you take on some of the boldest (which is a polite word for absurd) opinions on this board. Are you admitting that you are not qualified to hold an opinion on, say, whether XU should go independent or not? If someone who HAS played or worked in college basketball told you that your independent talk was insane would you yield to them and say you were wrong about that? On the condition that you would, I will allow you to keep your point (and trust me, we'd have no problem finding a vast majority in the college basketball world that would laugh at your independent talk.) However, until you do concede that, I will remain that my softball playing experience has nothing to do with the point at all. The issue is taking walks in men's softball, so you get no points for having showed up and taken your walks while I haven't played. This is not field day and you will not be awarded a purple participant ribbon.

Score remains.




(4) And where did I admit I know nothing about competitive softball.[/B]

Since you dont know what I mean, then you prove this without any additional evidence.

SCORE: Me: 5, You: 0

You don't get 2 additional points for reiterating the same point. This move is equivalent to taking a walk in a men's softball game. You lose a point for trying. My quote was, "And where did I admit I know nothing about competitive softball(?)" I forgot a question mark. I know enough about it, there's really not much to it. I also know enough about the standard man code to understand that you don't do something that most of your fellow men will consider weak and not expect to take some shit for it.

PMI: 2 MHettel: -2





(5) your math skills make you some kind of expert.

THANKS!

(6)You think that you are in the less than 1% that is smarter than everyone else with college hoops, as evidenced by your independent shit

You: "world is flat!"
Me: "really?"

Score: me: 6, you 0 (there may be a pattern here)


Really man. You just gonna keep getting your ass handed to you?

I see what you are trying to do here. In the past, those who were in the correct minority in thinking the world was round were laughed at. I'll give it to you, that's a nice way to try and convince yourself that you're the only one who sees something good that nobody else can see. Problem is, unlike the Columbus naysayers, us 99% in the "Let's not go independent" group have actual facts to back up why you look like an idiot.

Your score wins if we're playing golf. When it comes to trying to lay the hammer down, you really should just stop digging your hole deeper dude. Stick to math problems and the other forums. I get it. You take walks. You don't care what your fellow man thinks, probably because you've gotten shit most of your life, but that's fine, you have no obligation to care what others think of you. But obviously, the majority of the men on this site hold the same opinion, so disregard us all you want, but just know that you look ridiculous trying to defend it.

[TheDanimal]

Through the life of this thread, it surprises me that no one brought up two key points.

1) Taking walks in softball is infinitely better than striking out in softball.

2) The only reason this thread was started is because Danimal was embarrassed by a team that realized he was unable to put a pitch over the plate.

Guess I have to jump back in here and defend myself... I wasn't pitching the night of the post that started it all, but rather too busy making web gems... perhaps they only took walks because of the hoover act I was pulling in the middle infield. Also, my anger over softball walkers is longstanding, and not a one night development. From an early age my dad would take me to watch recreational softball games. We would roam the grass around the venerable diamonds, anxiously awaiting a foul ball, a look, or an autograph from one of our heroes. But then one day it happened... I'll never forget it. A rather self assured man came to bat wearing a head band and batting gloves and gloating about little league achievements. A few pitches and no swings later, he was walking to first high-fiving his teammates along the way as the winning run crossed the plate. On his way to the base, his pants fell down... and there was no penis. This was a man, and there was no penis. My dad tried to shield my eyes, but it was too late. I had seen the consequences of childhood dreams of big league fame going unfulfilled; I had seen the consequences of being cut from the freshman baseball team; I had seen manhood disappear... I had seen the softball walk. I have never been the same since.

So remember no matter how you may try to justify it, taking walks in softball is like pulling the rolls back and banging a fat chick: it's just not worth it.

[Strange Brew]

Guess I have to jump back in here and defend myself... I wasn't pitching the night of the post that started it all, but rather too busy making web gems... perhaps they only took walks because of the hoover act I was pulling in the middle infield. Also, my anger over softball walkers is longstanding, and not a one night development. From an early age my dad would take me to watch recreational softball games. We would roam the grass around the venerable diamonds, anxiously awaiting a foul ball, a look, or an autograph from one of our heroes. But then one day it happened... I'll never forget it. A rather self assured man came to bat wearing a head band and batting gloves and gloating about little league achievements. A few pitches and no swings later, he was walking to first high-fiving his teammates along the way as the winning run crossed the plate. On his way to the base, his pants fell down... and there was no penis. This was a man, and there was no penis. My dad tried to shield my eyes, but it was too late. I had seen the consequences of childhood dreams of big league fame going unfulfilled; I had seen the consequences of being cut from the freshman baseball team; I had seen manhood disappear... I had seen the softball walk. I have never been the same since.

So remember no matter how you may try to justify it, taking walks in softball is like pulling the rolls back and banging a fat chick: it's just not worth it.

Hettel should have worn a belt that day. That is a disturbing image for any child. Did his team celebrate by sharing one post game Zima (with a chaser of course)?

[goxavier84]

Taking some wisdom from Old School. When it comes to walking in softball. "You know you can't buddy. It's guy code. That's something chicks do. You're not a chick are you? Ok. Good talk. I'll see you out there."

If I have a 3-1 count on me, and the pitcher throws a pitch way out of the strike zone, I'll swing at it and miss just to get another pitch. It's not like I'm going to get a softball blown by me on the next pitch. I hope the "Men" who had the brilliant strategy of taking walks to win a championship didn't get so excited by the victory that they forgot to take their purses out of the dugout when they all went home to celebrate by watching the "Sex and the City" movie.

[DC Muskie]

I bet MH wears batting gloves too. Make sure you get a good grip on that bat. Don't want the bat to slip while digging down for those sliders.

I stopped playing softball a few years ago. I'm trying not to be fat, so I like to play sports that cause me to sweat from working out, rather then standing out in the sun.

If you are going to act like softball is baseball, just play baseball. I'm sure there are baseball leagues all over the place.

[Cheesehead]

This thread is great. I cannot believe it's still going. I posted on it weeks ago but had no idea it was still lingering...

[chico]

There was a team we played against down at Riverstar. I kid you not, every player on the team took the first pitch. If there is a hell, this would be it.

You only take a walk if they do so intentionally. If it's anywhere I can get a bat on it I'm swinging, like a Dominican playing in the majors. Hettel thinks he's Tony Gwynn - I'm Manny Sanguillen.

Hettel's the guy I used to hate playing - the geek who has no power so he has to resort to poking the ball to right center. Shirt tucked into the Bike shorts and wearing a belt. Socks pulled up to just below the knees, and wore stirrups.

the funniest thing I ever saw on a softball field was the pitcher of one of the teams I played on who would walk a certain guy every time he came up. He had some grudge against the guy (and this was the type of guy who wore a "softball is life" shirt) and this guy never saw a pitch. Freaking hilarious.

[Fred Garvin]

Is there anything funnier, and more 80's, than the Bike shorts reference? Every basketball coach I ever had was required to wear these. Along, with a notecard in the back pocket with plays listed.
The shoes might have been Pro-Keds. We had that instructional basketball, the SureShot. It's the one with the handprints to show you how to properly grip the ball.

And we had that weird, wire machine for rebounding.

Nothing was worse than winter break when it seemed we ran interminable "suicides."
Someone missed a free throw, you ran. That sucked.

[MHettel]

I love it.

90% of you jackoffs are gonna pay $60 next Sunday to pretend to be Tiger Woods.

[PMI]

I love it.

90% of you jackoffs are gonna pay $60 next Sunday to pretend to be Tiger Woods.

Actually, I'll be watching Tiger play live at the AT&T with clubhouse passes.

[D-West & PO-Z]

I love it.

90% of you jackoffs are gonna pay $60 next Sunday to pretend to be Tiger Woods.

No, for most guys golf and softball are treated the same. Meet up with buddies, drink beer, and play a sport(mostly play it badly). But as with softball there are a few douchebags who can ruin golf too. Luckily with golf you get to pick the other 3 guys you are going to play with and you dont have to deal much with anyone else.

[boozehound]

I love it.

90% of you jackoffs are gonna pay $60 next Sunday to pretend to be Tiger Woods.

I'll bet you play from the ladies tees when you golf.

[Jumpy]

Is there anything funnier, and more 80's, than the Bike shorts reference? Every basketball coach I ever had was required to wear these. Along, with a notecard in the back pocket with plays listed.
The shoes might have been Pro-Keds. We had that instructional basketball, the SureShot. It's the one with the handprints to show you how to properly grip the ball.

And we had that weird, wire machine for rebounding.

Nothing was worse than winter break when it seemed we ran interminable "suicides."
Someone missed a free throw, you ran. That sucked.




Hey, hey, hey Garvin, lets keep this on topic and not talk about your fetishes.

[XUglow]

I love it.

90% of you jackoffs are gonna pay $60 next Sunday to pretend to be Tiger Woods.

MH, you sort of hit the nail on the head with this one. Your walks are very much like amateur golfers that play as slowly as the pros and act like they are doing something serious.

Taking a walk is like a guy that has played a well marked course one thousand times walking around trying to figure out "exactly" how far he is to the hole.

Taking a walk is like an 18-handicapper than cannot putt walking around and looking at his putt from all angles.

Taking a walk is like a guy that hits it 180 with his $400 Taylormade swapping to a $500 Callaway so he can hit it 185.

Yep. You nailed taking a walk perfectly.

[chico]

I love it.

90% of you jackoffs are gonna pay $60 next Sunday to pretend to be Tiger Woods.

Unless Tiger takes a cart, drinks and smokes cigars while playing, I doubt it. But glow does have a great point about the guys who take 5 1/2 hours to play a round and shoot 96, not because they're bad but because every shot is to win the Masters. Nothing's worse than waiting in the fairway while the group ahead is lining up their 3 footers for double bogey - except taking a walk in softball, of course.

[Kahns Krazy]

I love it.

90% of you jackoffs are gonna pay $60 next Sunday to pretend to be Tiger Woods.


Lucky for you, the other 10% will be up for a rematch of their level 131 goblin versus your level 150 wizard, assuming your mom's book club won't be using the basement.

[XU05and07]

Unless Tiger takes a cart, drinks and smokes cigars while playing, I doubt it. But glow does have a great point about the guys who take 5 1/2 hours to play a round and shoot 96, not because they're bad but because every shot is to win the Masters. Nothing's worse than waiting in the fairway while the group ahead is lining up their 3 footers for double bogey - except taking a walk in softball, of course.

Some days it may take me 5 1/2 hours to play 18 and shoot a 96 (someday i hope)...but thats because it takes me so long to find my ball

[Strange Brew]

Some days it may take me 5 1/2 hours to play 18 and shoot a 96 (someday i hope)...but thats because it takes me so long to find my ball

I've been there but the best thing to do is drop, pop (a beer) and roll onto the next shot.

Professional wanna be, 30 handicap golfer is definately up there with walking softball a-hole but let us not forget guy who takes forever to finish his beer during drinking games. I once saw a "man" have his woman finish his beer for him, he has never been allowed to play since.

[DC Muskie]

Only guys who treat softball like baseball call others "jackoffs."

[TheDanimal]

Then they go over to the sidelines and just kind of scissor...

[boozehound]

Scissor me timbers

[Nigel Tufnel]

MH, you sort of hit the nail on the head with this one. Your walks are very much like amateur golfers that play as slowly as the pros and act like they are doing something serious.

Taking a walk is like a guy that has played a well marked course one thousand times walking around trying to figure out "exactly" how far he is to the hole.

Taking a walk is like an 18-handicapper than cannot putt walking around and looking at his putt from all angles.

Taking a walk is like a guy that hits it 180 with his $400 Taylormade swapping to a $500 Callaway so he can hit it 185.

Yep. You nailed taking a walk perfectly.


HAHAHAHA

The one that cracks me up is the 20 handicapper that plumb bobs his putts....then doesn't even come close to hitting the putt because he has totally misread the break and either hit it half way there are 10 feet by....

[Kahns Krazy]

I have personally been guilty of standing around on a tee box on a short par 4 and letting the guys in front of me get off the green, then topping my drive about 40 yards. That is humiliating.

[AdamtheFlyer]

I have personally been guilty of standing around on a tee box on a short par 4 and letting the guys in front of me get off the green, then topping my drive about 40 yards. That is humiliating.

I did something like that last Saturday at Weatherwax. It was #9 on Highlands. I had a perfect 4 iron in, waited for 15 minutes for the snails in front to clear the green, and proceeded to blade a worm burner that stopped 30 yards short. Great layup...I did make the birdie.

[Kahns Krazy]

I did something like that last Saturday at Weatherwax. It was #9 on Highlands. I had a perfect 4 iron in, waited for 15 minutes for the snails in front to clear the green, and proceeded to blade a worm burner that stopped 30 yards short. Great layup...I did make the birdie.

I count at least 5 distinct things about this post that confirm your status as a douchenozzle.

[danaandvictory]

I didn't think it was possible for someone to steal the crown of King Douchebag from Hettel on this thread, but leave it to Dayton.

The funniest thing is that if ATF leaves off the "I made the birdie" his post is kind of funny. Instead, I'm positive he's (a) lying, and (b) a gigantic flaming used MaxiPad.

[AdamtheFlyer]

I didn't think it was possible for someone to steal the crown of King Douchebag from Hettel on this thread, but leave it to Dayton.

The funniest thing is that if ATF leaves off the "I made the birdie" his post is kind of funny. Instead, I'm positive he's (a) lying, and (b) a gigantic flaming used MaxiPad.

Nope, not lying.

The one thing this thread says to me is that you all probably sit around wanting to touch each other after every "smack" laid out. Problem is the whole being behind a computer thing, so you came up with a fruity "rep" system. Now you can fake fondle each other when you lob insults you wouldn't dare make in person.

[danaandvictory]

ATF has now added thinly veiled threats of physical violence to his arsenal. This is pure magic.

[Juice]

Here is a good podcast with two guys and one of them makes fun of guys who walk in softball leagues.

Listen to: Craig Gets Thrown Out of a Softball League

http://www.twinkilling.com/

[PMI]

Nope, not lying.

The one thing this thread says to me is that you all probably sit around wanting to touch each other after every "smack" laid out. Problem is the whole being behind a computer thing, so you came up with a fruity "rep" system. Now you can fake fondle each other when you lob insults you wouldn't dare make in person.

Not sure how you drew such an over the top homoerotic conclusion but whatever floats your boat. But I guess coming onto an opponent's smack board to talk about a birdie you converted to a bunch of strangers is far less "fruity" than one of us appreciating good smack from another. For what it's worth, I would gladly call you a melon-humping, take-a-walk-in-softball, Jimmy Carter loving choad/chode to your face if I ever had the displeasure of having to meet another flyer fan in person. I'll start wearing a name tag to XU-UD road games and you can find me.

[GoMuskies]

Nope, not lying.

The one thing this thread says to me is that you all probably sit around wanting to touch each other after every "smack" laid out. Problem is the whole being behind a computer thing, so you came up with a fruity "rep" system. Now you can fake fondle each other when you lob insults you wouldn't dare make in person.

Geez, you should probably stop visiting a place this awful filled with that class of people.

It would give you more time to concentrate on melon humping.

[Strange Brew]

Nope, not lying.

The one thing this thread says to me is that you all probably sit around wanting to touch each other after every "smack" laid out. Problem is the whole being behind a computer thing, so you came up with a fruity "rep" system. Now you can fake fondle each other when you lob insults you wouldn't dare make in person.

Interesting that you would incorporate the words "fruity" and "fondle" in the the same weak, pathetic statement.

[boozehound]

ATF has now added thinly veiled threats of physical violence to his arsenal. This is pure magic.

I was wondering what the over-under was on the number of posts before someone played the "I'll kick your ass card".

http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o144/League_of_Cantankerous_Misanthropes/InternetToughGuy.jpg

[Kahns Krazy]

Vegas.com is running a promotion for MHettel and Adam.

http://www.vegas.com/douchebag/

[chico]

Looks like Hettel just made headlines.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/co_worker_just_a_little_too?utm_source=most_pop_du gg

[PMI]

In honor of the offseason and America's pastime getting back into full force, I thought we should revisit one of the more entertaining threads that remain open on this board. I still don't play softball, but I have to imagine leagues are starting up somewhat soon, and at the very least Hettel and Adam are balls-to-the-wall into their spring training regimens by this point. Light that competitive fire, boys, and remember to keep a good eye.

For me, this is golf time of the year. Perfect because the summer crowds haven't clustered up the courses yet. I found Hettel's comment about paying $60 dollars to pretend to be Tiger Woods to be very funny and also true to a large extent. Anyway, if enough people are interested, I'm thinking about starting a Fantasy Men's Softball Beer League, standard scoring, 10 for HR, 8 for 3B, 5 for 2B, 2 for 1B, -3 for a SO, -10 for a walk, elimination for a second walk. But as for now, I have some time off so I'm going to go pretend to be Tiger Woods and drop $60... at Applebees, for ten minutes with one of their busted waitresses to clear my mind up.

[Xman95]

Thank you, PMI. I forgot just how funny this thread was and, really, how freakin' funny some of the posters on this board are. Your Posada post (with "MHettel" shying away) is awesome.

Although I do think we should take it easy on MHettel. There are many people who feel taking walks in softball is a huge benefit to the team and doesn't make the batter a nancy. In fact, I think this guy leads his league in walks...

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lXd-n5Kab50/Sr_YazEfNgI/AAAAAAAABGg/Gw8ToegyddM/s400/WTF+-+2009-10-07+-+Peter+Pan+2.jpg

[boozehound]

This was, and is, a great thread.

[XUglow]

Unrelated, I know, but the Gay Softball World Series is in Columbus this year. That is no joke.

[PMI]

Unrelated, I know, but the Gay Softball World Series is in Columbus this year. That is no joke.

Unrelated how?

I can just see 7 innings of guys doing the "Single Ladies" dance to first base after taking their balls. I'll bet they at least don't record their averages and on-base% in their diaries though.

[XUglow]

Titled "Stand Tall. Play Ball." the 34th Annual Gay Softball World Series will be staged August 16 - 21, 2010, at Lou Berliner Park on the City's south side. The event will attract more than 150 - 170 championship teams representing leagues from 37 major U.S. and Canadian Cities. It will be the largest Gay Sporting Event ever held in the state of Ohio.

See. It isn't titled, "Stand Crouched. Take Balls." -- Unrelated.

[PMI]

Fair enough. I just want to know how they test participants to see if they're actually gay or not. On second thought, I'm not sure I do want to know, but you have to imagine anyone caught out with a girl is going to get the Pete Rose treatment.

[Xman95]

Unrelated, I know, but the Gay Softball World Series is in Columbus this year. That is no joke.

Those teams may not draw a lot of walks, but they'll definitely be taking some balls!

[Espe]

This is perfect for this thread
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMfqbR8Ujlk

[MADXSTER]

Unrelated, I know, but the Gay Softball World Series is in Columbus this year. That is no joke.

That's because Dayton was too gay for them.

[danaandvictory]

I guarantee you the participants in the Gay World Series don't go up there working the count like our resident chodes.

[Xman95]

I guarantee you the participants in the Gay World Series don't go up there working the count like our resident chodes.

I think they just play so they can wear the tight pants and stirrups.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/56/110109557_e74eab307c.jpg

[GoMuskies]

Fair enough. I just want to know how they test participants to see if they're actually gay or not. On second thought, I'm not sure I do want to know, but you have to imagine anyone caught out with a girl is going to get the Pete Rose treatment.

Funny you should ask. Some people apparently just aren't gay enough for this tournament.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2011657770_lawsuit21m.html?prmid=related_stories_s ection

[XUglow]

Funny you should ask. Some people apparently just aren't gay enough for this tournament.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2011657770_lawsuit21m.html?prmid=related_stories_s ection

The rules allow 2 heterosexuals per team. Wouldn't 3 bi-sexuals only equal 1.5 heterosexuals?

[jhelmes37]

Wow. How did I miss this thread the first time around? Awesome.

As a guy who has played softball (beer league) for years, I have some opinions on this topic.

Things that make you a huge doucher on the softball field:

1. Baseball pants
2. Metal cleats
3. Eye black
4. Batting gloves
5. Having more than one bat
6. Running the bases after a home run
7. Running out to your position
8. Talking s**t to the other team
9. Arguing with the umpires
10. Wearing wristbands of any kind
11. Bringing a helmet
12. Working the pitcher
13. Striking out
14. Walking
15. Having a rolling bat bag
16. Wearing an actual jersey
17. Taking out the catcher at home plate
18. Sliding

Can anybody think of any others?

[PMI]

19. A notepad to keep track of your personal stats. (But I suppose it does come in handy the next year when trying to convince the rest of the nerds on your team that you get on base enough to be moved up in the lineup.)

[Xman95]

14a. Walking, then trying to justify to others the importance of taking a walk. Just man up and swing the bat. Or admit that you were a giant vag and tried to walk in softball.

[jhelmes37]

A few more.......

20. Warming up
21. Taking infield pre-game
22. Going to the batting cages
23. Keeping stats
24. Taking pre-game batting practice
25. Yelling at ANYBODY other than the beer girls

Seriously, I was in a league my first year and this dude from the other team yelled at me for something. (can't remember what) My reply was: "You're sweet, bro. I love people who are supercompetitive in a beer league. Do you go into work the next day bragging about all of your hits?"

He then asked me if I wanted to meet him post-game in the parking lot. I rolled my eyes and laughed. Some people are unreal.

[DC Muskie]

I love batting gloves and batting cages. Seriously I love driving by and watching guys take swings in a battling cage. Its almost as bad as people who play kickball.

[jhelmes37]

I've got some friends on the softball team that go to the cages 2-3 times before each season. They say it helps them "get their swing back". Then they go like .500 the first week.

If you have to go to the cages 2-3 times to get a hit in half of your at bats in a SOFTBALL GAME, you are a terrible athlete.

And they are.

[PMI]

I've got some friends on the softball team that go to the cages 2-3 times before each season. They say it helps them "get their swing back". Then they go like .500 the first week.

If you have to go to the cages 2-3 times to get a hit in half of your at bats in a SOFTBALL GAME, you are a terrible athlete.

And they are.

Hey, the alternative is being a terrible athlete and not going to the batting cages. Sure, you save yourself from racking up some initial douchebag points, but it could cost you several more douchebag points in the long run. Take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-a_1C5ZObY&feature=related

[SixFig]

I don't find too much wrong with the batting cage. Are you a douche if you go to the driving range? And who doesn't enjoy relieving the day's stress by hitting a ball?

[Kahns Krazy]

When I played in a co-ed beer league, I wore a batting glove. I think it was because our shitty ass bats would tear up my hands. One of the bats that our team used was one of the same bats I used when I played in grade school.

I like batting cages too, but not for working on my game. It's sometimes just fun to smack a fat pitch.

[xu95]

It's sometimes just fun to smack a fat pitch.

It's sometimes fun to smack a fat bitch too.

xu95

[boozehound]

I also don't see anything wrong with going to a batting cage, unless you are a douchebag about doing it.

If you are one of those 'softball guys' who owns several $400 bats I may feel a bit differently, but to each his own.

[JimmyTwoTimes37]

I am a Batting cage fan as well...Except when the machine malfunctions and starts throwing pitches that are too high for Shaq's strike zone...

[drudy23]

I don't find too much wrong with the batting cage. Are you a douche if you go to the driving range? And who doesn't enjoy relieving the day's stress by hitting a ball?

Driving ranges and batting cages are VERY different.

For one, you can't see how far you hit the ball in a batting cage. That's half the fun of the driving range...seeing if you can reach the woods, the lake, the parking lot, the course, etc, etc. In the batting cage, you have to pretend...."Oh, that would have been out of here"..that's just no fun.

Two, you can't play cool games like if you hit a car in the parking lot you win. No fun the way the fences stop all of the baseballs from the true fun.

[DC Muskie]

Do all the fans of the batting cages wear their batting helmets once inside?

How long is the wait after Josie and her friends bat out a few pitches? twenty minutes? An hour?

These are things I don't know since I never go to a batting cage.

When I'm at the driving range, a rare occasion, I am trying to improve my swing, and distance on a club. When you are in a batting cage, for SOFTBALL, you really don't have any idea how your swing is, and more importantly if you do care about your swing, then maybe you should try kickball.

[Xpectations]

Do all the fans of the batting cages wear their batting helmets once inside?

How long is the wait after Josie and her friends bat out a few pitches? twenty minutes? An hour?

These are things I don't know since I never go to a batting cage.

When I'm at the driving range, a rare occasion, I am trying to improve my swing, and distance on a club. When you are in a batting cage, for SOFTBALL, you really don't have any idea how your swing is, and more importantly if you do care about your swing, then maybe you should try kickball.

And enjoying (or trying to improve at) softball is different than enjoying (or trying to improve at) golf because ...?

I really enjoy playing softball. I like all aspects of it (drinking before playing, hanging out with friends, drinking while playing, the game itself, drinking after playing). But I like it even better if I play well than if I sucked.

I'm not a big batting cage kind of guy, though I've certainly gone a number of times over my 25+ years of playing softball. But I fail to see how it's different than golf, which I don't like and can't possibly see myself putting in the amount of time and money required to play it well. But golf is obviously enjoyable enough for many to do so, and more power to them.

[DC Muskie]

Xpect-

If you really want to enjoy playing softball well, then may I suggest, not drinking before or during the game.

Seriously, that's what it comes down to me. I don't like to drink and then run, for any length. Or try and throw something. Or try and catch something, when I've had a six pack in me. To me, golf is a hobby. Anything where I have to run, catch, hit something is a sport.

No one ever plays in a beer basketball league. Or a beer soccer league, or join a beer running club. In all of those instances you do it after the activity. So on one hand people want to wear batting gloves, eye black, go to the cage and try to improve their swing, while at the same time, drink before and during the game which really negates wearing the batting gloves, eye black and going to the cage. Do you agree?

I'm all in favor of hanging out with friends, and drinking, and enjoying the outdoors. If you want to add a sport to it, try wiffle ball. I've had tons of fun drinking and not really caring if I could run, because hey, it's wiffle ball. And no one goes to the cage to improve their wiffe ball swing, am I right?

So softball is really for people who want to play baseball, but can't for whatever reason and want to drink while doing it. So they will get mocked by snobs like me when they show up wearing batting gloves, after spending the day at the cage, so they can try go 3-4 and drive in 6 RBI's while drinking a ton of beer while wearing a uniform.

If at the end of the day it's all about drinking and friendship, why do you need all the gear and practice?

[SixFig]

Driving ranges and batting cages are VERY different.

For one, you can't see how far you hit the ball in a batting cage. That's half the fun of the driving range...seeing if you can reach the woods, the lake, the parking lot, the course, etc, etc. In the batting cage, you have to pretend...."Oh, that would have been out of here"..that's just no fun.

Two, you can't play cool games like if you hit a car in the parking lot you win. No fun the way the fences stop all of the baseballs from the true fun.

I can see that if everything in life is a competition...a driving range and batting cage are different. And there can be a challenge...advancing up to the different pitch speeds. Putting good wood (or aluminum) on a 80mph pitch is tougher and, to me at least, more rewarding.

All I'm saying is it an enjoyable way to spend a few minutes when there is no one to play team sports with. No need to rag on it like its playing with Barbie Dolls or something.

[JAPER]

my greatest moment in softball career was with DC Muskie...Now, I should retire.

[JAPER]

this thread is awesome by the way...

[PMI]

I had someone ask me if I could play softball tonight because they were short players. After declining, because Tuesdays are jam nights, and because I still don't particularly enjoy playing softball, I thought of this gold mine of a thread. Guys who take walks. Funny stuff.

[paulxu]

I had someone ask me if I could play softball tonight because they were short players.

I want to see the team photo. What position do you play?

http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/edward-carl-gaedel-300x239.jpg

[GoMuskies]

Softball is awesome about once a year. Maybe twice. Five at-bats a season is plenty.

[Juice]

Softball is awesome about once a year. Maybe twice. Five at-bats a season is plenty.

But if you are taking walks, did the at bats actually exist?

[Xavier]

Xpect-

If you really want to enjoy playing softball well, then may I suggest, not drinking before or during the game.

Seriously, that's what it comes down to me. I don't like to drink and then run, for any length. Or try and throw something. Or try and catch something, when I've had a six pack in me. To me, golf is a hobby. Anything where I have to run, catch, hit something is a sport.

No one ever plays in a beer basketball league. Or a beer soccer league, or join a beer running club. In all of those instances you do it after the activity.


Most hockey leagues are beer leagues. In fact, most rinks now have coolers full of ice waiting in the locker room. Bring a couple of cases- drink with the team before/during/after. Its pretty fun. I couldn't imagine doing it in a basketball or soccer league though.

as for the thread--The idea of competitive softball is a joke, IMO.

[Strange Brew]

Most hockey leagues are beer leagues. In fact, most rinks now have coolers full of ice waiting in the locker room. Bring a couple of cases- drink with the team before/during/after. Its pretty fun. I couldn't imagine doing it in a basketball or soccer league though.

as for the thread--The idea of competitive softball is a joke, IMO.

Drinking before hockey is a terrible, terrible idea. Afterward or in the third period is a different story all together.

[Xavier]

Drinking before hockey is a terrible, terrible idea. Afterward or in the third period is a different story all together.

More so a couple beers while getting dressed- not heavy drinking. Casual drinking, really, until the third/end of the game.

[KingCole]

I thought of this hilarious thread last night as I was subbing for a friend's team in a co-ed league softball game. Two guys drew back to back walks while encouraging their team to take pitches and get walks. As the pitcher chirped the second guy for taking a walk the guy responded, "I"m playing to win just like you." That would have been bad enough on it's own but during the guy's next at bat he tried to draw a walk again. On the 3-1 count pitch the guy thought he'd drawn a walk and did a bat flip/toss as he walked over home plate to head to first only to be informed it was a strike. The guy then proceeded to argue with the umpire for roughly a minute and refused to get back into the batter's box. He was then upset that people on our team were chirping him and didn't want to finish his at bat until it stopped. This late 40's to 50 year old man took his co-ed softball league very serious. I figured it might've been MHETTEL.

It's safe to say I have now had my fill of co-ed softball for the year.

[Kahns Krazy]

Classic thread.

[xubrew]

I don't play softball, and I'd never seen this thread before. I agree. This is the greatest thread ever. We can shut down the internet now. It'll never get better than this.

[chico]

My last year of competitive softball, we played 60 games, and I took 45 walks. I hit about .575, with an OBP of .700.

We had a number of speedy young guys and some REAL mashers in the middle of the lineup, so I hit about 7-8 usually.

My back has been injured for along time, and my speed is below average. I was a singles hitter, mostly driving the ball to the right of second base. In my mind, a single and a walk were the exact same result. We had capable hitters behind me, so it's not like I needed to do something (put teh ball in play) that otehrs couldn't do.

Most important, however, was the fact that I ALWAYS got good pitches to hit. It's amazing what taking 2 pitches will do. Pitchers try to get to precise, and miss the zone, and I'm not swining. I must have seen 100 pitches right down the middle that I ripped to right center.

I'm worried about results, not style points.

The fact that this was written in complete seriousness without a shred of irony makes it quite possibly the most hilarious post I've ever read on this board. "The Softball Diaries," by MHettel.

[X-band '01]

If you're that obsessed about winning a softball league, there had better be a massive payoff at the end of the season. Even then, I couldn't personally justify taking myself that seriously.

[D-West & PO-Z]

The fact that this was written in complete seriousness without a shred of irony makes it quite possibly the most hilarious post I've ever read on this board. "The Softball Diaries," by MHettel.

So good!

[paulxu]

I think there's a softball game tomorrow.

If Macura takes a walk, this place will explode.

[PM Thor]

Not gonna name names (honestly can't remember who did it), but someone on Farrs team took a walk today. Up 21. He heard about it.

[94GRAD]

Mario!!!!!!!