Ask GuyFawkes

[MADXSTER]

Ask and you shall receive.

Ask your question or pose your scenario. Then you probably will need to do the opposite.

[MADXSTER]

If all life on the planet earth was exterminated, would there still be hatred for Sean Miller?

[GuyFawkes38]

This thread is going to be huge.


If all life on the planet earth was exterminated, would there still be hatred for Sean Miller?

Personally, I don't have hatred for Miller. There are people on this board who fell for him too hard. They wrote about how they wish they were women so they could have his kids. They spoke of Sean as the father figure they never really had.

No offense, but it got pathetic.

But to answer the question, yes.

[xavierdude]

This thread is going to be huge.



Personally, I don't have hatred for Miller. There are people on this board who fell for him too hard. They wrote about how they wish they were women so they could have his kids. They spoke of Sean as the father figure they never really had.

No offense, but it got pathetic.

But to answer the question, yes.

Not Guilty...that was for Brad Redford :p

[Kahns Krazy]

Cabernet or Merlot?

[GuyFawkes38]

I want to make a brief housekeeping note. It is true that I am a master in the art of making love. But because this is a family forum, I will refuse to answer questions related to that.

The good news is that I'm also a master in the art of seduction. Those questions are fair game.


Cabernet or Merlot?

I go against the grain on this one. I prefer Merlot (1974, 79, 83, and 94 were great years for Merlot in California, France, and Italy).

[Tardy Turtle]

Does being a douche come naturally or do you have to work at it?

[XUglow]

I prefer Merlot.

Famous line from Sideways... "Merlot is the gay man's cab."

[GuyFawkes38]

Does being a douche come naturally or do you have to work at it?

This seems like more of a rhetorical question.

[sweet16]

I want to make a brief housekeeping note. It is true that I am a master in the art of making love. But because this is a family forum, I will refuse to answer questions related to that.

Guy takes alot of heat on this board but I felt compelled to come to his defense on this particular statement. I heard this to be true from his long-time mate, Rosie Palms.

[SixFig]

Why do they call them apartments if they are together?

[XUglow]

Why do they call them apartments if they are together?

Why do noses run and feet smell?

[X-band '01]

Guy Fawkes is Andy Rooney?

[Smooth]

Guy Fawkes is Andy Rooney?

This thread will never be as good as the "Ask Andy" segment on Gary Burbank's show, but what the hell:

Why are some rich people Democrats?

[XU 87]

What is the air speed velocity of a swallow?

[Kahns Krazy]

African or European?

[SixFig]

Driving on parkways or parking on driveways?

[XU 87]

African or European?

I don't knoooow that.

[Snipe]

Damn was I late on that.

[XU 87]

What is your favorite color?

[GuyFawkes38]

Lots of fascinating questions.


Why are some rich people Democrats?

I was just explaining this to a friend.

Humans always follow their self interest. There is no altruistic, "I'll take one for the team" motivation amongst rich democrats.

It really comes down to the fact that taxes take cash away from the increasingly rich, not the rich. Democrats with a lot of cash and no ambition to make more (John Kerry, old Hollywood elites, people over 60) will not be affected much by the income tax.

The democratic party also does well now amongst doctors, lawyers, architects.... The vast majority of employees in such professions don't have a real chance at major pay increases. The law school one attends, the residency a doctor receives right at the end of med school...etc...will determine to a large degree the payscale for the rest of his or her life.

And the democratic party now smartly adovates tax policies that won't affect such professionals, most of whom don't have any hope of making over $200,000 a year (ha, not that that's a bad living...I consider that rich, which is why it's relevant to the question).

[Snipe]

Which woman would be easier to seduce, Helen Thomas or Janet Reno?

http://www.jillstanek.com/archives/helen.jpg



http://www.ccsu.edu/Courier/2004/April/Images/JanetReno.jpg

That is one angry dude.

[XUglow]

Sick, Snipe. Just sick.

[Snipe]

Guy is a master in the art of seduction, and don't act like it isn't a question we all haven't kicked around from time to time.

[GuyFawkes38]

Yes, it's a disturbing question. But it deserves an answer.

Easy question Snipe. Helen Thomas would be much easier to seduce. She's a passionate women with a boundless zest for life.

[danaandvictory]

Humans always follow their self interest. There is no altruistic, "I'll take one for the team" motivation amongst rich democrats.

Oh, for Christ's sake...

[bourbonman]

Since Robert Catesby was the real leader of the Gun Powder Plot, why are you the most famous? You're burned in effigy every November 5th only because you got caught. You were only following the direction of others when you failed to blow up Parliament and now they celebrate Guy Fawkes (Bonfire) Night. Why is this? Shouldn't it be Robert Catesby Night? Why does one who failed in getting the job done get the recognition? Do you have a PR manager than them? :confused:

[GuyFawkes38]

Since Robert Catesby was the real leader of the Gun Powder Plot, why are you the most famous? You're burned in effigy every November 5th only because you got caught. You were only following the direction of others when you failed to blow up Parliament and now they celebrate Guy Fawkes (Bonfire) Night. Why is this? Shouldn't it be Robert Catesby Night? Why does one who failed in getting the job done get the recognition? Do you have a PR manager than them? :confused:

First, I'm a really handsome guy:

http://www.solarnavigator.net/geography/sussex/sussex_images/guy_fawkes.jpg

Quite dashing, to say the least. Guy Fawkes was the first sex symbol of Britain.

It takes giant balls (which Guy Fawkes literally had) to attempt, not plan, such an ambitious action.

[Kahns Krazy]

A rope over the top of a fence has the same length on each side and weighs one-third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs GuyFawkes holding a vibrating butt plug, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of GuyFawkes. The vibrating butt plug weighs 2 ounces per inch. The length of the rope in feet is the same as the age of the GuyFawkes, and the weight of GuyFawkes in ounces is as much as the age of the GuyFawkes's mother. The combined ages of the GuyFawkes and its mother are 30 years. One-half the weight of the GuyFawkes plus the weight of the vibrating butt plug is one-fourth the sum of the weights of the rope and the weight. GuyFawkes's mother is one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she was one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as GuyFawkes was when it was twice as old as its mother was when she was one-third as old as GuyFawkes was when it was as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the GuyFawkes was when it was one-fourth as old as it is now. How long is the vibrating butt plug?

[Titanxman04]

A rope over the top of a fence has the same length on each side and weighs one-third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs GuyFawkes holding a vibrating butt plug, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of GuyFawkes. The vibrating butt plug weighs 2 ounces per inch. The length of the rope in feet is the same as the age of the GuyFawkes, and the weight of GuyFawkes in ounces is as much as the age of the GuyFawkes's mother. The combined ages of the GuyFawkes and its mother are 30 years. One-half the weight of the GuyFawkes plus the weight of the vibrating butt plug is one-fourth the sum of the weights of the rope and the weight. GuyFawkes's mother is one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she was one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as GuyFawkes was when it was twice as old as its mother was when she was one-third as old as GuyFawkes was when it was as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the GuyFawkes was when it was one-fourth as old as it is now. How long is the vibrating butt plug?

F*** you. I hate word problems. Especially ones with butt plugs (I know I'll probably pay for that one). :D

[blobfan]

A rope over the top of a fence has the same length on each side and weighs one-third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs GuyFawkes holding a vibrating butt plug, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of GuyFawkes. The vibrating butt plug weighs 2 ounces per inch. The length of the rope in feet is the same as the age of the GuyFawkes, and the weight of GuyFawkes in ounces is as much as the age of the GuyFawkes's mother. The combined ages of the GuyFawkes and its mother are 30 years. One-half the weight of the GuyFawkes plus the weight of the vibrating butt plug is one-fourth the sum of the weights of the rope and the weight. GuyFawkes's mother is one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she was one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as GuyFawkes was when it was twice as old as its mother was when she was one-third as old as GuyFawkes was when it was as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the GuyFawkes was when it was one-fourth as old as it is now. How long is the vibrating butt plug?

I'm not sure what's worse: that question or the fact I actually spent a couple minutes trying to figure out if it was solvable.

All I can think of is "buns."

[sylvester]

A rope over the top of a fence has the same length on each side and weighs one-third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs GuyFawkes holding a vibrating butt plug, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of GuyFawkes. The vibrating butt plug weighs 2 ounces per inch. The length of the rope in feet is the same as the age of the GuyFawkes, and the weight of GuyFawkes in ounces is as much as the age of the GuyFawkes's mother. The combined ages of the GuyFawkes and its mother are 30 years. One-half the weight of the GuyFawkes plus the weight of the vibrating butt plug is one-fourth the sum of the weights of the rope and the weight. GuyFawkes's mother is one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she was one-half as old as GuyFawkes will be when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as GuyFawkes was when it was twice as old as its mother was when she was one-third as old as GuyFawkes was when it was as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the GuyFawkes was when it was one-fourth as old as it is now. How long is the vibrating butt plug?

Long enough to put GuyFawkes in a bad fucking position.

[XUglow]

How long is the vibrating butt plug?

I don't know, but I am guessing 2 to 3 hours with new batteries.

[MADXSTER]

a rope over the top of a fence has the same length on each side and weighs one-third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs guyfawkes holding a vibrating butt plug, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of guyfawkes. The vibrating butt plug weighs 2 ounces per inch. The length of the rope in feet is the same as the age of the guyfawkes, and the weight of guyfawkes in ounces is as much as the age of the guyfawkes's mother. The combined ages of the guyfawkes and its mother are 30 years. One-half the weight of the guyfawkes plus the weight of the vibrating butt plug is one-fourth the sum of the weights of the rope and the weight. Guyfawkes's mother is one-half as old as guyfawkes will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she was one-half as old as guyfawkes will be when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as guyfawkes was when it was twice as old as its mother was when she was one-third as old as guyfawkes was when it was as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the guyfawkes was when it was one-fourth as old as it is now. How long is the vibrating butt plug?


???? Wtf........lol

[Titanxman04]

Whats the prize if someone gets this right?

[MADXSTER]

Whats the prize if someone gets this right?

A vibrating butt plug.

[Snipe]

Did Guy desire the butt plug by his own choice, or was he born hard wired to like that butt plug?

[Kahns Krazy]

I'm not sure what's worse: that question or the fact I actually spent a couple minutes trying to figure out if it was solvable.



It is solvable.

[Xpectations]

Did Guy desire the butt plug by his own choice, or was he born hard wired to like that butt plug?

Well played.

Are you against butt plug marriage?

[Xpectations]

A vibrating butt plug.

Game worn, by Guy?

[XUglow]

Did we really need a swine flu epidemic to learn that we shouldn't travel to Mexico?

[waggy]

Well played.

Are you against butt plug marriage?

Can't find anything....

[TheDanimal]

The length of the butt plug (y) in feet:

y = 19/12(x) - 7.5 OR
y = 19/24(x) - 3.75

(Depending on the ambiguity of the order of operations at one point in the question)

Unfortunately, I am not bored enough to solve that last run on sentence for the value of x. So if someone wants to plug and chug that disaster, then we will know the extent of Guy's pleasure.

In any event, the value of KY Jelly (Vky) is priceless.

[Juice]

Will you explain the logic behind a girl's choice to be a Texas Virgin? It makes no sense to me.

[GuyFawkes38]

For the record, does it really look like this type of guy would use a butt vibrator:

http://www.solarnavigator.net/geography/sussex/sussex_images/guy_fawkes.jpg

I think not.

Glow, my rule of thumb for visiting Mexico is to stay within a block of the beach. There isn't a whole lot to see in Mexico beyond the beaches. It's just hot, humid, and poor.

Juice, there's been a "lets do everything but have intercourse", sexual revolution in America for the past 20 years (especially amongst the white population who somehow believe that getting pregnant out of wedlock is worse than murder).

[GoMuskies]

Did you know that John Calipari is on Twitter?

[XUglow]

Did you know that John Calipari is on Twitter?

26% of the people reading this thread have no idea what you just said.

[GuyFawkes38]

I was a long time proponent of Sean Miller using Twitter. Hopefully Chris Mack will soon be twittering.

[MADXSTER]

Did you know that John Calipari is on Twitter?

Well, with a good support group of family and friends, I hope he can beat it.

D.A.R.E.

[MADXSTER]

I was a long proponent of Sean Miller using Twitter. Hopefully Chris Mack will soon be twittering.

Abetter....................

[X-band '01]

26% of the people reading this thread have no idea what you just said.

And the other 74% don't give a shit about Twitter either.

[Jumpy]

And the other 74% don't give a shit about Twitter either.

Unless its Ashton Kutcher twittering, apparently.

My question for Guy:

With evidence of a single starting point to our universe (Big Bang) and the documented expanding of said universe, we must logically believe that it is, in fact, finite. Therefore, what is outside of our universe?

[Kahns Krazy]

Unless its Ashton Kutcher twittering, apparently.

My question for Guy:

With evidence of a single starting point to our universe (Big Bang) and the documented expanding of said universe, we must logically believe that it is, in fact, finite. Therefore, what is outside of our universe?

Deductive reasoning using the above facts would seem to indicate that what is beyond our universe is "Twitter Users".

[American X]

Did you know that John Calipari is on Twitter?

Is that the one for restless leg syndrome, male urinary dysfunction, or heroin withdrawal?

[GuyFawkes38]

With evidence of a single starting point to our universe (Big Bang) and the documented expanding of said universe, we must logically believe that it is, in fact, finite. Therefore, what is outside of our universe?

I'm not an expert in astrophysics. But I'm a really smart guy. And a lot of the knowledge from astrophysics comes from common sense.

I've always pictured our universe arising out of a swamp where there's lots of strange, mutated material ripe with the potential of life.

So yeah, outside our finite universe lies a swamp.

I'm on a roll. Keep the questions coming.

[BBC 08]

I'm not an expert in astrophysics. But I'm a really smart guy. And a lot of the knowledge from astrophysics comes from common sense.

I've always pictured our universe arising out of a swamp where there's lots of strange, mutated material ripe with the potential of life.

So yeah, outside our finite universe lies a swamp.

I'm on a roll. Keep the questions coming.

Why not another universe?

[Jumpy]

OK, here's another question for the ages. Why do dogs eat cat poop?

[GuyFawkes38]

OK, here's another question for the ages. Why do dogs eat cat poop?

Why do humans eat yogurt? Its the same reason why dog like poop. It aids digestion. It's disgusting. But the bacteria in the feces aids digestion.

On a side note, I'm a big believer that the key to happiness in life lies in good digestion and regular/clean bowel movements.

[Tardy Turtle]

Why do humans eat yogurt? Its the same reason why dog like poop. It aids digestion. It's disgusting. But the bacteria in the feces aids digestion.

On a side note, I'm a big believer that the key to happiness in life lies in good digestion and regular/clean bowel movements.

Please start eating cat shit, then.

[MADXSTER]

It is well known that a dogs olfactory senses are more than 300 times better than a human's. A dog can not only sniff out drugs in containers but can be trained to detect cancer in humans. With all this said, why then does a dog need to put its nose a 1/2 inch from another dogs poop?

[XUglow]

It is well known that a dogs olfactory senses are more than 300 times better than a human's. A dog can not only sniff out drugs in containers but can be trained to detect cancer in humans. With all this said, why then does a dog need to put its nose a 1/2 inch from another dogs poop?

Sensitive dog noses... hmmm... reminds me of a piece that I wrote a while back about a hospital using dogs to pre-screen patients with yeast infections in their waiting room. I wrote it for one of those fake news websites, but Yahoo picked it up and put it on the front page in their "featured stories" section. Brigham and Womens Hospital received so many emails and phone calls that they asked us to pull the story. The funny part is that the guy that called said, "You know, it's really not a half-bad idea though -- not the waiting room part -- just the idea in general."

[Kahns Krazy]

I wrote a short blurb for the "Fax News" when that was around in Cincinnati around 1998. I guess enough people sent it to Bob and Tom that they spent about 20 minutes discussing it one morning. i had used all of my friends' names in the story, so we all got a pretty good laugh.

It was about a guy suing the Reese company for their slogan "there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" cup, and how he had jammed 3 of them up his nose.

[blobfan]

I was a long time proponent of Sean Miller using Twitter. Hopefully Chris Mack will soon be twittering.

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with a coach's tweets.

[GuyFawkes38]

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with a coach's tweets.

Mack doesn't have to divulge important information.

Mack can keep it simple and tweet stuff like, "Taking the family out to get Ice Cream" or "Yes, Godfather II is on. Probably best film sequel ever."

Stuff like that.

[Juice]

Pete Carroll is on twitter and his tweets are dumb shit statements like "Win forever" or "Trying to get Will Ferrell on twitter."

[Titanxman04]

So uhh.. Anyone solve the butt-plug word problem? Or have we moved on from the subject?